Is it too late

[Stopthisshit]

My dad died when I was a teenager. He had cancer. This was 25 years ago. At that time there was no support. Or we as a family got no support. My mum didn’t cope.

I buried so much grief and hurt.

Is it too late or too inconsiderate to others more recently grieved to grieve now. To just say how unfair it all is

No it's not.

How can it be inconsiderate to grieve for your dad?

How are you, Stopthisshit?

Thank you Joyce
I feel bad as this happened many years ago and for many it is recent and raw. I don’t want to take away from anyone the pain they feel

I miss my dad everyday, I struggle that as an adult I have never had a dad, my kids never had a grandpa. I cry for what my dad missed out on.

I feel sad-for what it did to my mum. She never coped nor recovered. I lost my mum too.

Everybody grieves in their own time and if you felt you couldn't grieve then then absolutely do it whenever you need to. It's also not too late to seek professional grief counselling.

It is absolutely never too.late to grieve, never.

Because you will always miss that person,and what their absence has taken from you as you have grown up.

Often we are prepared for illness and death, there is a lot of support waiting to meet grief and cushion people as theyexperience it.

You haven't had that, and it must make what in itself is a terrible experience really bloody hard.

Thankyou mummy
I feel as I was a child I was expected to bury it. The focus became on how my Mum had lost her husband, which I agree was devastating. I think I then buried it.

Now years later I just want someone to achnowledge that yes
At 42 I haven’t had my dad since I was 14
That yeah it’s shit my dad missed my wedding
That yeah it’s shit my kids never had a grandpa
And yeah it’s shit my mum never recovered and I lost her too
And yes it’s shit that now and for many years I had to care for my mother not the other way around
Yeah it’s shit that when my 3 kids were born we cried that my dad wasn’t there not that a child had been born
That at every wedding we cried cause my dad wasn’t there not at the beauty of two people being united
At every funeral we cried that so and so had more time. Or their loss or whatever wasn’t as bad as ours.

When. Y dad died it became our whole lives.
Maybe I feel guilty that I carried on regardless

Thankyou everyone
Firstly for listening
Secondly for letting me know my feelings are normal, are OK

I am so sorry to hear about what you had to go through. There is no fixed timeframe for grief and so it is perfectly acceptable for you to grieve now. I suffered a traumatic event when I was 15, bottled it up for many years and only managed to come to terms with it 20 years later. The pain was just as raw all those years later.

Sending you virtual hugs.

stopthisshit Please do not feel guilty for carrying on. Any good parent would want their child to carve out the best life possible for themselves.

I’m very sorry for your loss, be kind to yourself and do seek help if you need it. It’s never too late.

Oh, I feel this too, My dad died when I was 19. I was living independently & going through a very liberal, hippyish, drug fuelled stage. I've never really grieved, I just pulled myself together & focused more on my Mum who hadn't even left home until she married my dad. Fortunately, my mum was lucky enough to get through it all as best as you could expect but the parent/child dynamics totally flipped at that point. This is was 25 years ago now but I do still feel cheated and very sad that my dad has been dead for longer than I new him alive. Chin up though OP, from what I've experienced in life, we are still very fortunate to have these parents to mourn

@Stopthisshit my dad died when I was 13. Like you, there was no real professional support. No bereavement charities for kids etc. I just got on with it. Luckily for me I did have a very supportive mum who eventually got me counselling when I cracked 3 years later. It definitely helped to talk.

23 years on and he has missed so much of my life, graduating, wedding, kids...it's still painful but not as raw.

Perhaps you could look into some counselling for yourself? The time that had passed doesn't matter

Tthe grief cast may be a podcast worth a listen.

Grief counselling has been fantastic for me, really made such a difference.

Op I would look into it if you can. So sorry for your loss and your years of hurt. You are very entitled to feel sad and I think you deserve to have some support now, because it sounds like you didn’t get much then.

There is no statute of limitations on grief. It is how you feel.

Have private counselling as a starting point.

So sorry for your loss.

I think this is perfectly natural. My children lost their dad at 6 and 9 and they do just tend to get in with it. This only happened to us last year. On the outside they look fine but I know I will have years to come when they are not ok. They don’t realise yet the magnitude of what they have lost throughout their life. I keep thinking about when my daughter realises she hasn’t got a daddy to walk her down the aisle.

Hi OP, I have experienced two close bereavements in 5 years, and I can assure you that I don't find your grief inconsiderate in the slightest! I think grief is timeless, and for what it's worth had I lost one of my parents in my teens I could see myself grieving as an adult. Perhaps this is the first time you've felt strong enough to deal with your loss?

I'm sorry that you lost your Dad .

I'm so sorry you had to grow up without your Dad.

My ds lost his dad (And I lost my dh) 18 months ago. Ds was 14 then. I've always expected that he will feel it more when he's older. He's doing ok (with counselling) but it will shape and mark his life forever. I think when he leaves home, if he marries or has children, he will REALLY feel it.

I'm having therapy and would be doing a lot worse without it. I can recommend some kind of talking support.

Thank you everyone. I am so sorry to hear of everyone’s loss. Life can be very cruel. Thank you for making me feel normal it makes such a difference to how I feel.