Lost my dad a week ago

[Chippydippy]

I'm feeling such unbearable grief. One week ago today I lost my wonderful, amazing dad. He was 75 and died suddenly of a ruptured aortic aneurysm.

I don't know how I'm going to carry on like I did before. I feel like a light has been switched off within me. I love him so much and we were very close. He didn't live near me, but we spoke a lot and the last words I said to him were I love you as I put the phone down. He was planning on coming over to me for a holiday in September and I feel so sad that it's not going to happen.

I don't know what else to say, I just needed to get it out. I'm the one who is sorting everything as he and mum were divorced years ago and 3 of my 4 my siblings hadn't contacted him for years. I just feel such hatred towards them for that. My loving sweet dad didn't deserve that treatment from them. We had such fun growing up even though we had no money, my parents were always there for us.

I've still got his funeral to arrange and just need to find the strength to do that. Thanks for reading this

Sorry for your loss Chippydippy
It's very early days for you, your probably still in shock.

@Zebraantelopegiraffe sorry to hear you're having a bad day

@Chippydippy I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my Mum this year and I'm finding it all very hard. The only advice I can offer you from the heart is to just be kind to yourself. You will hear that a lot. A virtual hand on the shoulder from me- it will get easier with time x

@Chippydippy I am so sorry for your loss.

I lost my Dad on Father’s Day at 71. Very sudden. His funeral is today. So I have an idea what you are going through.

We seemed to have endless sorting and organising but it strangely helped in a way. Look after yourself (eat well, multivitamin, early nights as you may not sleep brilliantly).

There is also a support thread for those who have lost a parent on this board which I have found invaluable - come join us if you want.

@sadbones I'm sorry for the loss of your mum and thank you

@Emmapeeler bless you, so sorry for your loss too I popped onto the loss of a parent thread and read a few pages and your posts really stood out to me and I've been thinking of you the last few days.

It's Dad's funeral tomorrow. Don't know how I'm supposed to say goodbye

Sending you a hug OP. My dad passed away 5 weeks ago, again, suddenly and I’m still in shock and disbelief. You’ll likely feel that for a while. I found great comfort being in ‘organised mode’ sorting out the funeral and his estate, it kept me going. I’ve found it incredibly difficult since the funeral and expect it will continue to be very hard for a long time.

My DD is under 1 and got to meet my dad which I’m so grateful for but I’m also devastated that she won’t remember him so I’m making a memory blanket and bear for her. I think it’ll give me comfort.

Have you thought about some grief counselling? x

@iamme21 I will be thinking of you today. You'll get through it, your dad will be with you every step of the way. It's not goodbye, it's see you later. That's what I've been telling myself everyday

@Leftielefterson I'm sorry to hear about your dad. The organising is helping me a bit too. There wasn't much I could do over the weekend and I found it extremely difficult. Managed to do some housework but the rest of it was spent on the sofa just thinking.

Yes I have thought about counselling but I know it's still very early days. Still haven't got a date for his funeral. Got a big list of things I need to sort out today, so just having a cup of tea before I start. My stomach is in knots

@chippydippy Thank you. Well I got through it. Lots of tears but also lots of sharing lovely memories. I am home wait a very big glass of wine. Think tomorrow will be hard with nothing to focus on.

Thank you @Chippydippy - it has helped me to ramble! It’s just such a shit time and helpful to know that there are people out there who understand.

@iamme21 I am so sorry for your loss. Well done for getting through today. It was my Dad’s funeral on Friday and it was a strangely lovely (but exhausting) day - but I have to admit I have been feeling very empty since I got back home. Today was hard but tomorrow is a new day.

@iamme21 glad you got through the day. Must have been extremely difficult. Hope today was peaceful for you, although I'm sure it was a very tough day.

@Emmapeeler yes it definitely helps knowing there are people going through what you are and understanding everything you're feeling. I hope you're as ok as you can be.

My dads funeral has been booked for 7th August. Feel terrible that it's taking so long to sort it all out. Unfortunately we've had problems with finances and I had to register his death by declaration so the certificates are being posted to me which takes time. Feel like I'm in a whole other world at the moment. Have no control over my emotions either but I know that's perfectly normal, just wasn't expecting bouts of anger.

@Chippydippy glad you have a date booked so you have that to focus on. My Dad’s funeral was almost four weeks after he died. We thought it was far off (there was a post-mortem because he died in his sleep) but actually it was good to have the extra time to plan it and by the time it happened, we felt ready (as we would ever be).

I am sorry you are having stress with the paperwork and finances, I couldn’t get over how much there was to sort and pay for and the last thing you need is more obstacles.

I was like a tap in the first week and just felt so lost, especially at night. Everything felt unreal and I couldn’t understand where he had gone (I know that sounds a bit daft). I think anger is a perfectly normal part of grief because it’s really shit and not fair.

Your Dad was about the age my Dad was - I cant walk down the street without noticing men in their seventies now and thinking “why my Dad?”

@Emmapeeler I know exactly what you mean. I had to go into town today to sort a few things out and everywhere I looked were elderly men wearing shirts exactly like my dad wore. I found myself looking for him

You're right about things feeling unreal, especially in the first week. I didn't even go to bed. I just dozed on the sofa for a couple of hours a night.

My dads funeral will be 5 weeks after his passing and he too had to have a post mortem which held things up a bit. I think like you, the extra time is actually helping.

@Chippydippy I kept looking for my Dad too. I kept ‘seeing’ him in other men who, like you say, were wearing similar shirts or jackets

@Leftielefterson good idea about the memory blanket. How are you going to do that out of interest?

I went back to work yesterday. Think it might be too soon. Can’t stop crying tonight

It's so hard isn't it? I'm back at work too and just don't feel ready. I'm self employed so had to go back 😔 I work alone though so when I break down I just let it happen.

Still haven't even had dads funeral, it's next Wednesday. 5 weeks is too long, especially for my poor dad and I feel terrible about it.

My dad died in the early hours of this morning. He was 81 and had a wonderful life. He was a funny man who had simple, uncomplicated tastes. He loved his family, watching sport on TV and a nip of whisky. He enjoyed doing the crossword each day and doing jigsaws. He never got to do the one i bought him for his birthday in May.

He had never been ill until he got cancer and in the end he just couldn't fight it any longer. I feel lucky to have had him in my life for 56 years.

I am heading to see my mum shortly but i don't think there is anything we can do at the moment as it's the weekend. I think my dad was having the last laugh dying on a Saturday knowing how much it would annoy my mum not being able to make any plans!

He was a daft old bugger. I will miss him.

Sorry for all the sadness on here and sending Apolloanddaphne love. I imagine you're still in shock. It's a bizarre time to live through.
My dad died in March and it's been a weird few months. I've felt OK at times, like I'm coping really well. Then this week had to sort some more of his stuff out and ever since I've been low and struggling to get on with life. There's so much I need to do but just can't. I feel incapable of taking action
It seems there's always a big wait for the funeral Chippydippy so please don't feel bad about it, there's nothing you can do and your dad I'm sure would understand.

Oh Apollo I'm so sorry for your loss. You're going to be in shock for a while, I still am, and you have my deepest sympathy
rumred I'm sorry you are going through this too. It is so gut wrenching going through belongings. I had to do this a few days after my dad died and it was just unbelievably awful. I still have his stuff in my bedroom in cases and bags and can't bring myself to sort them any time soon. Everything still smells of him and it breaks my heart

@Chippydippy it's hard. You did well to go through his stuff so soon, wait until you feel up to another sort through, there's no rush. Having it in your bedroom must be hard though.
I've also got his ashes here. His wife doesn't want them, she didn't like him (long story). Sorting out spreading them is not simple.
I'm trying to concentrate on the good stuff, the positives I got from him, but the misery creeps in at times. It's a hard journey

Thank you rumred It really is a hard journey, I'm doing a very unhealthy holding my emotions in thing. I find myself physically shaking the thoughts out of my head. I had no choice but to go through stuff. He lived in a housing association flat and it needed to be cleared 😔

No it's not simple sorting out the ashes I'm going to keep some of my dad's at home, my sister is having some and we will scatter the rest. It's his funeral tomorrow so today I've got family coming over and need to take flower arrangements to the funeral home. I made some as I couldn't afford to buy them all, pleased with how they came out though.

Thinking of you today Chippydippy
Hope it goes well. Be yourself and let your emotions out. I was a pall bearer which felt like a good thing to do for my dad.
Do whatever feels right for you throughout it all. Sending you love

Thank you so much I didn't sleep very well and I've woken in a bit of a state. Ive got some things to do this morning to keep me busy

Hugs to you op and everyone posting for your lost loved ones and grief.
It’s bloody hard.
The old cliche of ‘one day at a time’ May never be as true as when dealing with loss.

I lost my lovely dad a few years ago and my ma (who I was very close to) just before Christmas. Lots of us will have discovered -

Nothing is ‘wrong’ about how you grieve - you are likely to have ups and downs and unexpected ‘good’ days and unforeseen set-backs etc.
Accept help and support.
Take small pleasures where you can and don’t feel guilty about them. Your loved ones would want you to be ok.
It’s not mad to ‘talk’ (even out loud sometimes) to them.
It’s really useful to seek professional help for sleep/counselling if seems a good idea.
There is so much ‘stuff’ to do when someone dies that those days when you are up for it do as much as you can because there will be days on end when you just can’t face any of it (and that’s ok).
No one is at their best - in my family we (siblings) had to accept that and openly be ok with being gentle and forgiving with each other for stuff done in anger/grief etc.
Blimey it’s a rough road but one which we do get through. It does become not exactly ‘better’ but an easier part of who you now are.

Hugs all. Know above are obvious but they’re the kind of things I keep reminding myself of.

Oh god I'm not surprised you're in a state, it's such a life changing time. Have you got people you can talk to and who can support you? I wailed through most of the service, gave no shits that my uncle and dad's wife were really uncomfortable with it. Friends got me through
And home made flowers are so much more special and lovely than shop bought. You've done really well