Sorry, I don't want to have to warn people before I talk about my daughter.
She was here, she was a person who was, and is, loved every day, and I shouldn't have to worry about talking about her in case it triggers someone. I'm fed up of worrying about other people's thoughts about my personal tragedy.
I'm having a wobble today. There's nobody around who knew her, nobody who understands what we went through, I can't talk about her because it makes other people sad.
She's a memory and some old photos to most people.
But she was my daughter. I loved her from the moment I knew she was there, until the moment she took her last breath, and every day since.
Her big dark eyes and massive fuzz of dark hair were the most beautiful things I've ever seen.
She was very poorly her whole short life, in so much pain every day. I'm struggling to deal with it more and more as time goes on. She was so delicate she never even had a proper cuddle because she would have broken.
It's been over 10 years, you would think I would feel better now, but I sometimes look at girls her age and wonder why they couldn't be her.
I look at recent cases and wonder if I should have fought more for her, I knew there was nothing they could do, but I would have had more time, and I wouldn't have had to hold her so gently as they removed the machines that kept her alive.
I keep thinking she must have felt so betrayed as I looked at her with love and pain and let her slip away. I worry she was scared but she was so little I would never have known.
I left a window open in that horrible little store cupboard where she died as the hospital had nowhere else to go that was private, I left the window open so her beautiful soul could fly high and free as she never was in her short time here.
I miss her so much.
Sorry for rambling, I have no one to talk to and just want something real that isn't a thought in my head.
Today is a struggle.