Confused by the extent of my grief

[Lacebug]

Many years ago I was an au pair and looked after 3 children in a European country. A few years later, I became Facebook friends with some members of the family and and followed the events in their lives through Facebook.

I recently learned that one of the now-adult children has taken their life and I am confused by how terribly sad I feel. I know that it is always a tragedy when someone feels so desperate that they feel ending their life is the only answer but I feel bowled over by grief and sadness.

Perhaps it is because I haven't seen the person since they were a child, so in my mind they are always that young? Does anyone have any insights into my reaction?

@Lacebug, did you look after the children for a long time?

I think it is easy to form attachments to kids you look after, and so I'm not surprised by your reaction. You knew the person when they were a child with their whole life ahead of them and it is quite shocking and sad that they ended that life for themselves.

Thank you for your response and understanding. I looked after them for a few months and I had sole care of them for much of the time, I kept them safe in the swimming pool and the sea, played with them, chatted to them and you're right, I did form attachments to them.

It is natural. When my son suicided, I later heard that an old family friend had taken herself to counselling as a result.
She hadnt seen him for years (we emigrated) but she was around a lot in his early childhood until he was about 13, her kids and my kids played frequently, and it sounds like she was very shaken up.
A suicide causes such wide ripples, so many people are affected.
Be kind to yourself.

It’s completely normal to feel for a person you were once close to. But you have to recall your grief is second hand. You could contact the parent stating all the lovely things you know of him, that would be a nice closure for you

Maybe part of it is that you kept them safe and in the end, they died. Everything you did feels worthless, like you failed because you didn't manage to keep them safe in the end.

That's a hard thing to come to terms with.

But you cared for them, they had fun and were safe and loved at that time. You did all you could.

@IAmAlwaysLikeThis

Very insightful.

Or at least, I expect I would feel that in OP's position.

I really appreciate your kindness for listening to me and offering your insights.