How can I support DH?

[DearTeddyRobinson]

DFIL died yesterday, 3 weeks after being diagnosed with cancer. He was 72. He was a lovely man and a super grandpa to our 2 DCs. We are so so sad but I wondered if you lovely MNers could give me any guidance on how best to support DH? He was close to his dad and was with him when he passed away. I don't know what to expect or how to be the best support I can be. Any guidance would be very welcome x

Just be there. If he wants to talk he will. He might even possibly retract his emotions and seem a little cold for a day or two, try not to judge him as he is dealing with it in the way he can. Offer a cuddle and an ear ( and cups of tea! ) and then quietly get on with the usual day to day stuff.place
The family will need to register the death and get funeral arrangements in place, so if he is involved offer to go with him. Sorry for your loss.

Thank you VictoriaBun

DMIL died two years ago and my DM died this year. For DH I felt my job was to keep the house and kids and family ticking along so he could focus all his energies on sorting things out, as there was a lot to do re sorting funeral, registering death, letting people know etc (I work full time so I wouldn't naturally have taken it all on).

Also, cuddles and reassurance. It's a funny time when you realise your are now the 'head' and the one person you would be taking all the stuff through with is the one who's gone :(

So sorry for your loss

Thank you Chartreuser, I have been diligently keeping the home fires burning so to speak, I just don't want to come across as too busy or whatever! I suppose I just don't know how to 'be', we haven't been through this before. I will tell the Dcs later today, DH is still at his parents house (they live 150 miles away). His mum is going to need a lot of support and we are so far away, we will visit as much as possible but obviously we have school, work etc. Ugh you're right I don't feel qualified to be the grown up in charge of all this and I'm worried I'll get it wrong

Hi OP, it sounds like you're doing a fine job already. I would echo what Charteuser said about letting people know on your DH's behalf. My partner did that for me and it was a real help.

I'm worried I'll get it wrong

True, you might get it wrong, but you're only human! The fact that you're sensitive to his needs at the moment is about as right as anyone can get these things, IMO

I'm sorry you've lost your FiL, he sounds like a lovely man

You're doing a wonderful job. All you need to be saying to DH are things like 'What a brilliant bloke he was.' 'The boys were so lucky to have him as a Granddad.' 'He was kind to me when I was pregnant and feeling poorly.'

(That last one is about my own late DFIL. As an experienced father-to-be he knew exactly what to say and do around me! I'm sure yours did too. There's a special bond between a man and the mother-to-be of his son's children. )