Sudden death of brother

[Anon99925th]

My 28 year old brother is currently being taken off of life support after suffering a devastating brain aneurysm. He survived it but now shows no brain activity and 6 days after the event there is nothing more that can be done.

I am the oldest sister and have always been one of 3 and now there will only be 2 of us. I'm not sure how to cope or how to comfort my mum who I dont think will recover from this.

On top of everything, I have a little 5 month old who has met my brother several times but now wont know him growing up. I'm breastfeeding her and having to cart her around from hotel to hospital every day as she wont take a bottle. I'm afraid I'm going to go mad during the remainder of maternity leave as I live away from my immediate family support network. I have friends but none I feel I could confide in or would understand about this event.

Has anyone else been in a similar situation? I cant comprehend losing him at such a young age, so suddenly. It all seems so completely surreal and unfair.

I'm so sorry for you. Sending and hugs

I cant imagine your pain. Do you think taking some time to build a memory box about your brother would help. Something to show your LO and keep his memories warm for her.

bump

I'm so very sorry for your loss. I don't have any experience of losing a sibling but lost a parent in similar circumstances when my DC were too young to have any memories of them. I also knew no one who had lost a parent and felt very alone.

That was over 20 years ago and the pain has passed and my DC have grown up hearing all about my DM. You will come out the other side of this, but it won't feel like it right now. Just take each minute as it comes and don't expect too much of yourself.

I'm very sorry lass.

Are you able to go to your family every couple of weeks and maybe Skype in the meantime?

I am so sorry. 28 is so young.

I lost my 24 year old brother nine years ago. It was in a road traffic accident on the way to work, so was very unexpected. We are a big close family and it is the most devastating thing that has happened to us. I remember going into Tesco shopping a few days later and I just couldn’t get over how everyone was acting so normally when the world seemed such a different place to me, without my brother in it. All I can say is that over time, the raw pain will heal and there will still be happy times ahead (although it doesn’t feel like it now) so sorry for your loss xxxx

I'm so sorry OP. I lost my little brother also at 28, he was ill for a long time but suddenly he was dying, and that final, terminal, stage lasted about 3 days. It was devastating, I was a complete mess. This was 5 years ago and it's much easier to bear, although it still hurts when I relive what happened.

Had you asked me before this happened if I thought my mum would cope, I would have said no. As it is, she has good days and bad days, but she's pulled through this, we all have.

The only advice I can offer is let grief happen

I'm so sorry op, When I was 33 I lost both my parents in 2017 when I was pregnant- by the time she was born they were both dead. I'm really upset that she'll never meet them. X

I'm so sorry OP for your loss, my sincere condolences, you must still be in shock. I was living in London at the time of my only brothers sudden death (he passed away in Ireland). I had just moved for work - did not know a soul and had no support network. I went back to London after the funeral and it felt little I was an alien living on another planet I was so out of it. There was not one person I could confide in or discuss things with. After 6 weeks I was really struggling emotionally and mentally but I found a really good support group. It was life changing for me - they were amazing. Kind, non judgemental and could relate to how I was feeling. The first few weeks I sat and just listened but eventually I began to trust people and although I don't need them as much as I did, I still rely on them for chats and support. Would you be able to find a bereavement group near you that if you felt up to it you could attend? Also please be kind and gentle with yourself there is no set rules for grieving esp. after the loss of a sibling so just take it day by day and if you feel ready talk to people do, please don't isolate yourself. Personally after losing a mother and brother I don't think you ever "get over" losing a loved one. Losing them just becomes part of who you are and it just sits with you as you go through life. As your LO gets older your brother although he is not here physically can still be a part of her life you just need to talk about him and keep his memory alive. I think it was a great suggestion about the memory box. Xxx

My younger brother died quite suddenly aged 29. I spent the next two years choking on the injustice of it, and moving through what felt like treacle.

It is hard. It will get better. There’s no quick way to get through grief and the grieving period. You sit in it and work through it and it eventually stops being quite as sore and raw.

My experience is that as a sibling, I have recovered from my brother’s death reasonably well (now 8 years on). My parents however, did not (both died within 5 years of his passing. Dad heart attack, mum brain aneurysm). Please look after your mum. I’ve suffered a lot of loss, but I just cannot fathom losing a child.

Be prepared for organ donation questions. If you decide to donate your brother’s organs, the process can be hard (I certainly found it tough) and - in a few months - once the shock has worn off, find a grief counsellor. Mine saved my life.

I’m so sorry for your loss