Looking for support and advice

[smilesattheweekend]

Hello, sorry for barging onto the site but have been considering counselling but don't want to spill my guts in front of someone.
I had a third mc on Monday. DH and I started trying for a family 9 years ago and it took us 6 years to finally have our beautiful son, we lost two pregnancies before this one at 6 weeks, the other at 11. I bled lots when I had my son and had scans every week from 6 weeks. Luckily everything worked out. We weren't planning another but I got pregnant, I didn't realise and had an operation with general anesthetic before I twigged, anyway as soon as I found out the doctors checked and finally they came back to me and said it was ok. Anyway, on sunday I started to bleed (as always), we went to the hospital and they examined me and said all was ok, even did a pg test which was positive. I got a scan the next day (Monday) first thing in the morning and we saw the sac and the heartbeat was there and they booked me in for more reassurance scans each week, I was 7 weeks on monday. Got home and started to bleed more, and then went to the loo at about 3pm and wiped myself and it was all there on the tissue, even the sac and lots of clots (sorry tmi). I went from ecstatic in the morning to completely devastated in the afternoon. I don't know what to think about it all. I have an appt at the EPU on monday to check everything has gone (last mc I had to go in for an op I think this was "easier" as I didn't see anything then and it was over), this seems long and drawn out as I am still losing clots - yuck. I found it hard to be pregnant again, when you have already lost a pg it is really difficult to not worry and each day seems like a lifetime. I am not even sure if I want to go ahead and try again. I know I should be really grateful for already having a beautiful son, and feel quite selfish wanting another.
Would really like to hear from anyone else in the same situation and to get some ideas of whether they will do any tests on us at the hospital.

X

sorry, no experience of this but bumping for you - hopefully someone will be able to help soon. You could maybe in the meantime look at some past threads to get some ideas of what may happen.

Please do not feel selfish for wanting another child, im sure your DS is of great comfort to you and he is probably the reason you want more, to complete your family. I dont want to speak out of turn as i dont have any expertise of experience but it seems to me that if you have managed to carry a baby to term once then you should be able to again, hold on to that hope and be kind to yourself. Take your time to work out what you feel you want, maybe stop "trying" but have the "maybe it will happen" in the back of your mind. I know lots of people who once they stopped trying ended up with babies. A friend of mine gave up and got a dog after years of failed IVF etc and mc's. Now she has two children (and a dog )

Sorry i coudlnt offer anymore but i didnt want you to think you were being ignored. IT is often a case of waiting til the right MNetter happens along.

Thanks very much - I appreciate anyone's comments and points of view. I have been lurking around the site for a few days before plucking up the courage to post. I have looked at a few messages and have picked up a few things to ask at the clinic on monday - about tests, aspirin etc. I also keep on looking at the scan photo from Monday, I need to find a safe place for it soon (tears).
X

re the scan photo. I hope things work out in the future

Hi

You poor hun, it's awful to have m/c's. How are you feeling today?

I also had 2 m/c's then ds and then another missed m/c at 12 weeks. I thought i would be fine since i had ds, but had another. I have had loads of testing and have a mild thrombophilia. I am now pg again and on asprin. i think it is amazing to be honest there is alot of research i have found that says it even helps women TTC and women who haven't had m/c's. I sometimes think if i had it with other pg's maybe m/c's wouldn't have happened. i was told contridictory advice that maybe thrombophilia was because i'd had recent m/c and that i didn't need it (that was by the recurrent m/c clinic) anyway my obstetrician said it can't hurt, and i think he was right.

Good luck with your tests. It is natural to want to extend your family. I would like more after this one.

There is a great thread on here called TTC after m/c and also a pg after m/c one, both really helpful

HI Uki, thanks for your help. I am interested to know more about the research you have found.
Feeling relatively ok today but not looking forward to going back to the hospital tomorrow.
X

Hi

Just wanted to say that I read your comment below about feeling selfish for wanting another because you already have a son and I just wanted to say that you shouldn't.

I have a daughter but have had 3 mcs since (have posted on thread 'Any hope' as am now pregnant again and scared witless as I started spotting today - tears have been endless, even now as I type!)I have had similar feelings but wanted to reassure you that alrady having a child doesn't mean that you loss should be any more bearable. If anything it's all the worse because you know what you are missing out on.

Your hospital should offer you investigations because you have had 3 mcs. Most nhs trusts offer it after 3, only a few after 2. Make sure you ask them about it. I was referred but fell pregnant again before having any tests. Just hoping and praying that this one goes to plan and I won't need any.

smiles

I can't find the really good link i had, but i found this one

news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/1160711.stm

this one is a bit better/ interesting
www.buffalo.edu/news/8451

Hi B3CCY - how are you today? Fingers crossed for you.
UKI thanks for your links - am making a cup of tea and will give them a thorough examination!!!

I have been to the hospital this morning and they remembered me from years ago. They were really kind, even when I got myself all upset they took their time to explain what they will do. DH and I have had blood taken for chromosome test and have been given an appointment with the EPU consultant for september - we should have the results by then. They gave me a sicknote for the rest of the week (I was on holiday the beginning of June for 2 weeks, back at work for a week then off for 2 weeks as I had an operation, then back for a week and then off last week when I miscarried and also this week), I think my work will think I am having a laugh! Only joking they are really good, just feel like a complete let down all round. Anyway, we are going to wait, give my body time to get back to normal, the scan showed everything has gone, but I need some time. Hopefully by then we will have the results of the tests and know where we are going. The EPU said what to do if I did get pg ie ring them straight away and they will monitor me and look at whether aspirin or anything else would be beneficial.

X
Smiles