What is WRONG with Me ?

[WhentheRabbitsWentWild]

Hello

I lost my darling dad on the 7th of May to pneumonia brought on by a broken hip and COPD Stage 4. I cried so much when he was ill and still alive yet have barely cried since he passed on .

Am I some sort of emotionless sociopath ? I cried when my Nan and her cousin passed, I cried when I rehomed my dog ffs but cannot cry for a much loved Dad ..

I am very sorry for your loss op

There is absolutely nothing wrong with you, what you are experiencing is absolutely normal. I felt exactly the same way when my father died and I can still remember the strange feeling, as if everything was at a distance. I think it's a sort of shock that is almost protective in that it prevents you from experiencing the full intensity of your feelings all at once.

Having said all of that, we all grieve differently, and maybe you did most of your mourning while your father during his last illness. Perhaps a small part of you is subconsciously relieved that he no longer has to suffer. And that's ok too

Sorry that sentence was all muddled up. Meant to say maybe you did most of your mourning during your father's last illness.
Apologies.

It is very usual to feel as though all of your emotions are blunted in the immediate aftermath of a death. It is a very common symptom of shock.

There is nothing wrong with how you are feeling and it has no reflection on the love you have for your Dad.
Grief affects us all, but often in different ways.

No you're not. Maybe you have lots going on since the loss or you are trying to block it but your not a sociopath.

Dp lost his dm. She was only young, in her 50s. He cried once. Three weeks later our son was stillborn. I never saw him cry for him at all. He was just good at blocking things. It affected him in different ways.

Also, sometimes, when their is illness I feel it gives you chance to prepare a little.

Im so sorry for your loss.

Apologies for my spelling there - shocking! You're and there.

Sounds perfectly normal to me. A coping mechanism for the early days perhaps. Don't expect it will always be this way, Grief is a process rather than a state. Much love to you, I'm sorry for your loss.

Thank You so much everyone .

Rarfy I am so sorry :(

Rarfy

Me and my eldest Son are going to my Mums tomorrow . I anticipate it might change when I am where he lived, with his things all around . Usually I would go into the hall, pop my head round the kitchen whilst taking shoes off (a shoe off slippers on house) and he would be there in his seat He isn't going to be anymore . I am not forcing anything and if the tears come they come . If they don't I will take all your words on board and see . I do have depression and wonder if its the brains way of not allowing that much grief in one go . Not a psychiatrist so not 100% on that.

That sounds v. sensible. Just remember to be kind to yourself. There is no right or wrong way to grieve. You can miss him/remember him/honour him/celebrate him in your own way - or in a variety of ways - and in your own time.

So sorry for your loss

Grief comes in fases and waves. Don't be surprised if you end up laughing, can be a normal reaction too. Your mind and your body know how to cope with this and for you at this moment it's a fase of relative quiet. That's fine. Try to just go with it. Your feelings are normal.

I kind of had that at my mums funeral, I was exhausted (cared for her at the weekends so in much need of a rest), had no tears anymore and just wanted to go home.

Thank You ,

Well the plan is that Mum is coming to get me around 11.00 . We are then collecting my eldest but also seeing my very decent ex husband and daughter . Either tonight or on the way home we are going to Herne Bay (Mum lives near there) for some fish and chips and a little walk along by the sea . Mum is up for that when I suggested it .

Thank You so much for listening and responding to me .