This is my first post and I'll try and be brief. Just want opinions please as I'm feeling a bit muddled!
Massively long history but I'll try and summarise!
Background history is that my Dad left my Mum when I was 14 for my step mum who after a few years was accepted by myself and my sister and we all had a good relationship. I'm now 51. My Mum however, never forgave her or my Dad for 'ruining her life' and took any opportunity to make nasty comments, refusing to call my Dad by his name and even in the early days wishing all sorts of evil on them. This is despite a number of opportunities (my graduation, my wedding, sister's wedding) that my Mum has had to bury the hatchet. She also remarried when I was 26 but mostly not that happy and she simply refused to let things go; constantly reminding anyone who would listen how hard done by she is and what was generally 'stolen' from her.
Only recently has she started being civil with my Dad as he recently moved closer to us all. However she never became friends or even tolerant acquaintances with my Step-mum as she lay dying and flat-bound.
She is now planning to attend the funeral wake (she was going to attend the funeral until I mentioned that I felt this inappropriate, although my sister told me that Dad invited her) along with my Step-Dad who is lovely btw. My sister tells me she thinks that this is primarily so she can catch up with my Dad's brother & wife (whom she is in regular contact with anyway). I just can't shake the feeling that this is not OK. This is the last thing we can 'get right' for Step Mum; my Mum hated her for nearly forty years and never made peace in her lifetime. I also feel concerned about how Step-Mum's son & family might feel.
Am I over thinking or even being unreasonable to feel like this?
Btw I think it's great that my Mum and Dad are now on speaking terms but this is Step-Mum's day, not a family party. There will be plenty of opportunity to build bridges later on.