Am I mad to look for a new job 8 months after DF died and when DM is terminally ill?

[Rainatnight]

Just as it says in the title, really.

I've been unhappy in my job for quite a long time now. Periods when it goes better than others, but fundamentally sort of question what I'm doing there, and have some fairly major small p political problems with the context in which I work. (Can't say more without it being outing, but I guess I'm saying it's not in line with my values).

I felt this more acutely after my DF died, because I was confronted for the first time with the sight of someone on his deathbed taking stock of his life, and it brought into sharp focus for me that my time is finite too, and maybe I should finally throw in the towel with what I'm doing.

Recently, DM, who has cancer that's ultimately terminal but had been kept reasonably well under control, took a turn for the worse. It's not entirely certain what's going to happen with her but I'd say she's lucky if she has a year.

Two dream jobs in organisations I'd really like to move into have come up, and I've applied. I may not get them, of course. But IF I did, should I take it, in the circumstances?

I've been with my current employer a long time and have quite a bit of 'credit in the bank'. If I needed to take time off to look after my mum at end of life, they would be very supportive.

BUT the issues at work are getting worse and worse and I now have a new boss who is an idiot.

Any advice?

I think that if you were considering your position before your dad died then it might well be time to go. On the other hand, does the organisation hire regularly? You may get a chance to apply again, although no guarantees the timing would be any better.

I say that in consideration of the fact that big decisions are meant to be avoided at times like these... the strain of the first 6-12 months in a role shouldn't be underestimated.

Depends too on salary, culture, who your job change may impact and how, e.g kids/partner?

I'm so sorry you are in this dreadful position. My advice is apply anyway and take the process as it comes.

Yes, take the job if you're offered it. You'll be in a better place mentally to deal with DMs illness if you're not dreading work every day.
And if you need time off, well your new employer may or may not be understanding and generous, but you can cross that bridge when you come to it.

Go for the other jobs. Sounds like now would be better than later. I found out 6 months into a new job that my dad was terminally ill and he died 9 months later. New boss was incredible and I am forever grateful for the flexibility he showed so I could spend more time with dad. So basically being new didn’t make a difference, I was told to do what I needed to do. Previously boss would’ve said the same too. I think most people are understanding in these situations....

I accepted a new job a few weeks after my dad died in March, then had to start the job 2 weeks after my mum died in August (I’m a teacher.

I found the new job very hard to cope with after the turmoil of the previous year - by Oct I felt like I was on the verge of a total melt down and told my school I’d be leaving at Xmas. Didn’t really have a plan of what I’d do, but I couldnt cope with the idea of work at that time. thankfully my new school were so kind and when I said I’d be leaving offered me a 10 week leave of absence which made a huge difference to my mental state and I’m now happy and settled there after having that time to recover.

So I’d say consider how you’ll cope with another major change of things get difficult with your parent. Starting a new job is tough - and alongside grief and major life changes it can be very difficult.

Good luck with whatever you decide.