Funeral costs

[petiteonion]

My best friend's (bf)mum died last week with cancer. Bf has a younger sister and the mum was not in a relationship.

Bf is organising funeral. Her mum didn't leave a will, has no "estate", no funeral plan / insurances etc. She was in quite a bit of debt too.

BF is a single parent who is juggling 4 part time jobs to make ends meet. Her sister works too. BF has lost out on alot of work as she has been caring for her mum at home for the past 6 months.

They have no money for funeral costs right now but managed to get deposit together with remaining amount to be settled asap.
They have been trying to see if there is any financial support they can access but have been told no as they are not recieving universal credit.

We really don't know how they are going to afford this. It has been so hard on top of their mum dying.

How on earth do families manage to pay for funerals if there is no savings or plans in place?

Would be a funeral paid by the council. Maybe take a loan out? www.funeralzone.co.uk/help-resources/arranging-a-funeral/what-is-a-paupers-funeral-public-health-funerals-explained

www.gov.uk/funeral-payments

Thanks for your posts.

They are not entitled to any financial support as they both work and are not on any eligible benefits.

It seems because they went to a funeral director, their mum is not entitled to a council funeral.

BF spoke to bank about a loan but was turned down as her income is so low.

It has really made me think of my own parents and I have realised their funerals will be down to me. They are not in a position to save and live in rented accommodation so no estate to pay from.

I was told by my mortgage adviser when I suggested I wanted to pay off all credit that credit cards debts are often written off after death. Although no idea how reliable this is

Funeral Directors in our experience will wait for payment until the estate is settled. It may be when they go through everything that something has been put away or a life insurance policy comes to light.

Unfortunately this might not result in the funeral your friend wants for her family but it's not worth getting into debt to pay for a funeral. You don't have to pay out for lots of things that are seen as essential. Ask them to talk to the funeral Director and look at saving money where possible. Check if there is a family plot they could go in or see if cremation would be cheaper. They need to ask sooner rather than later and not be proud. Cars aren't always necessary? Flowers can be done cheaper yourself if you have them.

They might need to be creative which I know is not easy at such a sad time. Tell them to take a deep breath and talk to the funeral Director. They have seen and heard all sorts. Sorry for your loss.

I'm so sorry that your friend has this added stress on top of everything else. There's a Quaker charity that may be able to help; they can assist both before a funeral and after it in order to help manage funeral-related debt:

https://quakersocialaction.org.uk/we-can-help/helping-funerals/down-earth/how-it-works

Having had to organise a funeral recently myself, I'd say that there are ways to help keep costs down, too. We didn't have cars, I just ordered a single flower arrangement (directly from the florist, as this was cheaper), I organised the orders of service myself, and a local social enterprise cafe did the catering for the wake.

I hope that your friend finds a way to manage this

As someone who’s recently organised a funeral too I agree with SanJunipero there are lots of ways to keep costs down.

I didn’t do this as my Mum was religious so I wanted a church service, but your friend might want to consider a direct cremation which I think is about £1k maybe cheaper if your friend gets quotes from a few places. Once the family get the ashes they can then have their own service which could be in a church, at a place that was special to their Mum or just a gathering at someone’s house.

I was going to suggest direct cremation too.

Hi. I am a funeral arranger. The advice given so far is all great.
To add to it I can let you know how things lie from a funeral directors side.
As long as the 3rd party fees/disbursements are paid (often called a deposit) the funeral will go ahead- no matter how simple or elaborate.
Afterwards you are expected to pay the balance.
Occasionally people do default on payment. The company I work for (and it’s huge) will send out the usual letters which can look pretty bullying but I have never known (6 years in) them actually take anyone to court!
So while the sensible option would be to have a “direct to crem” funeral even we as directors dislike them as family is not allowed to attend and there is no service etc. Please though heed the advice from others. Do not add any frills on.

The NAFD laws dictate that every funeral directors MUST offer a “low cost “ funeral with certain criteria attached. Use this one!
It is still not cheap however.
So sorry for this extra heartache on top of the one you are already suffering.
Remember - most funeral directors are there to help you in every way they possibly can.
We do not judge you on how elaborate or simple you want things - just as no other person should.

hi everyone and thanks for all your messages and ideas.

The funeral directors have been lovely - really helpful and they said that they are seeing a big increase in families not being able to pay. They have worked with us for a very basic funeral- the most basic we could get and we are trying to save money in whatever ways we can. They have agreed to a funeral pan over 6 months for the remaining amount.

There will be no cars, no order of service and her granddaughter and I are going to make a bouquet of flowers from our gardens. I am doing the catering for the after funeral get together and we are hiring a small hall for this instead of a hotel etc.

Even with that - it is going to be a struggle for them.
We had to clear the mums flat this week as keys go back to housing association and went through all papers / documents etc and there is nothing to suggest any insurances / policies to come through. In fact - there is more debt than we first realised including rent arrears.

BF is of course distraught about her mum but this is another added awfulness. BF is in debt now due to missing so much work and cant see how she is going to find additional money every month to pay off the funeral.

I guess we get the funeral over and then start to see what we can do.
thanks for all your help and guidance.

Nobody is liable for the debts of the deceased person.
My late son's credit card company chased us for a fairly small amount but we are not liable.
HMRC chased us because we didn't complete a tax return as his executors. He died suddenly, intestate, but according to HMRC we were supposed to complete a tax return and they were going to fine us £100. So that might be worth checking.
Sorry for your loss.