I'm not sure exactly what I'm looking for by posting here, I suppose I just need to get some things out that I'm slightly afraid to say outloud and perhaps some advice. After about a year and a half of TTC I recently found out that I'm pregnant, of course I'm very happy but I can't help but think about my first child. Sadly my daughter died at the age of 4, her 13th birthday would be in just a couple weeks. I can't help but feel a little guilty, I almost feel like I'm trying to replace her which obviously isn't the case but if she were still here I'm not sure I'd have ever had a second child. At the time I was sure I wouldn't have anymore. I'm also scared to "become" a mum again, I try not to think like this but It's like I failed the first time around. I've felt so ready for a baby the past couple years but now I'm actually pregnant I just keep thinking about DD