Feeling terrible 5 months after missed m/c

[jess1996]

I had a missed mc at the end of February. I was devastated, but consoled myself by thinking I would get pregnant again easily (that pregnancy was conceived at the 2nd month of trying). However it hasn't happened and as each month goes by I feel worse and worse. The grief I have now is almost unbearable. I am always crying in the toilets at work and I can't even look at pregnant women. My doctor gave me anti-depressants, but I don't want to take them as I'm scared I'll be taking them forever.

I keep reading threads where people say the pain of m/c improves over time, but has anybody else ever felt worse as time goes by?

I found that I was ok after a few weeks but then sort of crashed around the time it would have been due. Suddenly i seemed to see babies everywhere and all the stories on the tv seemed to be about mc.

When I did get pregnant again that was really hard for the first few months too as i kept worrying about the baby. Once she was big enough for me to feel her move i began to relax and enjoy my pregnancy.

Don't be afriad to take the ADs. They will help you cope during this difficult time - you won't be on them for ever.

it always hits me a few months later. at the time im almost blase about it, sort of "oh well, its happened again" but a few months later it hits me that ive lost another baby. grief is a very personal emotion and no-one is the same or has the same reaction.

do think you should take the ADs, they will just help you cope a bit better, Im back on mine now, and you wont be on them forever, just till you feel a bit better. which ones have you been given?

I'm so sorry for your loss.
It is perfectly natural to be grieving as you are, and five months is not long at all.
Take time to be kind to yourself.
Try and find someone to talk to about your feelings.
There are lots of options other than ADs - ask your GP to refer you for some counselling if you think it would help.
ADs can also be helpful, but I think it is important to acknowledge the feelings that are making you so sad, as well as dealing with the symptoms.
And your GP will help you with stopping the ADs when the time is right - they really are much better than they used to be.
Something like planting a tree, a rosebusg, or even naming a star in memory of your baby may also help.

Yes - it hit me a while after too for much the same reasons as you. I had conceived twice very easily (1 DD, 1 m/c) and so assumed I would get pg again very quickly. When it hadn't happened after a few months it really hit me especially as a lot of my friends started announcing. Next week it will be a year since my m/c and I still haven't conceived. In the last 6 weeks or so I have felt much calmer about it and less like the world is about to end when my period arrives/ someone else announces a pregnancy. I guess I'll go down again at some point if I don't conceive soon but we'll see.

There is nothing I have done that has made me feel better - just passage of time I guess. You have to grieve a bit I think.

The doctors will monitor you with the anti-depressants and make sure you're not on them for ever I would have thought.

I don't know if you've seen the ttc after m/c threads but some people on there have had help from counselling - I'll find a link.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk?topicid=1366&threadid=346289&stamp=070716092604

Jess - I Had a missed m/c and was devastaed and it took us a whole other 12 months of trying to have our little girl. I know exactly how you feel about not being able to look at pregnant ladies and secretly wanting to cry all the time.

Having been through it and come out the other side (I have one daughter and am pregnant again - only 4 months after she was born) I would really see the m/c as a sign that everything is working properly, there is nothing you can do to speed up getting pregnant so try all you can to distract yourself whilst you are TTC.
Just keep in your head that it will happen (as its the fear that it won't that is so upsetting) and try to get through the next few months as best you can - remember that it is very rare for someone to have a m/c and then not go on to have a successful pregnancy in the future.

Sorry you are having to go through this - its very painful !!!!!

Hang in here xx

Thanks for all your kind comments and support. I've joined the ttc after m/c thread, so hopefully that will help a bit.

it took me 9 months to get pg after my last miscarriage, i think ur frustrated that it hasnt happened quickly enough as you want to replace your loss to make u feel better.your body just isnt ready for it yet

jess, big hugs, the only advice I'd give after having a miscarriage a couple of years ago is that it seems to take everyone a different amount of time to recover. Obviously that depends on the quality of support you get and how quickly you get pg again.
It's hard to throw yourself into the rest of your life while allowing the grief to exist as well. However, that's the key from what I've seen over the years! Don't be hard on yourself.

Hi there, Jess, where is the ttc after m/c thread? I can't seem to find it.

I agree with the others that you should talk to your GP about maybe having some counselling. Also, some ADs can be really helpful even if you take them for just a few months, I have found.

Rach xx