My lovely dad died I dont know how I feel

[bobdylannumber1]

My lovely dad died from.cancer last week. I loves him and I was close to him we thought last summer he was going to be fine then he had another operation and then another 5 weeks ago then we were told no hope only 2 weeks ago he rapidly went down hill and died last Tuesday we were all really upset I cried and felt sick he was waked at home and we had 2 days to say our good byes I was really upset when. I saw him in the coffin. I've cried a few nights. He really was a gentle man never gave out to us never shouted etc just lovely and hundreds of people called and sent cards funeral was lovely tribute all the grandkids read and a family member spoke. The other night I went to bed and instead of crying I was thinking about the day he died the funeral preparation the funeral itself and I felt happy, holy that my father is in a better place I really think that he is happy I feel he is happy. I'm thinking this is not normal to just feel grand and hes only dead a week, I'm worried that it's all go na come pouring out later on, has anybody else felt like this and been fine or did the grief hit later?

Hi OP, really sorry that you lost your dad
As much of a cliche as it is, grief affects everyone in different ways. There really is no right or wrong way to feel afterwards and feeling ok does not make you a bad person nor does it mean you’re going to have a meltdown in the future! You’re comforted knowing your dad is no longer suffering. Just do what comes naturally to you, there is no right or wrong with grief and feelings. It doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you

I couldn’t just read and run.
My df passed away 18 months ago, and he also had a lot of health problems. We knew he was going to pass away that week, so we were prepared. We were obviously very upset on him passing, but he was no longer in any pain.
I do have moments through the day when perhaps driving and my mind wanders, or something is said or happens at work. I’ll get tearful.
It’s perfectly normal to feel the way you do. You speak highly of him, and I’m sure you feel the same that he is no longer suffering

So sorry to hear about your dad, he sounds a lovely person. Grief affects us all differently, some times I feel sad, other times I feel happy. He was sick and now he is at peace, no more pain, no more illness and he is with people he loves and who love him. I'm not a religious person but funny things seem to happen sometimes, I thought I heard, felt and saw people and pets who died, I dont know if I did or if it was just imagination but I like to think they are just telling are they are okay and happy. Dont push yourself, grief can takes months and years to come to terms with, you must have some wonderful memories of him.

I was exactly the same when I lost my dad. I still have my moments years later but grief didn't hit like it did when I lost my teenage brother a couple of years later. My dad suffered and I was relieved he was free from pain and I knew he wasn't going to get better. My mum is in the end stages of of ovarian cancer and all they can do is make her comfortable. It's heartbreaking to see her like this but I do everything I can so I'll have no regrets when the time comes.

I didn't think I would feel anything but relief when my DF died, because he was no longer himself and in such a poor way. And in a way, it was a relief, but it was also scary, because I was now an orphan (I was in my 40s) and there was nobody for me to lean on, although he had been doing all the leaning for several years.

There's no right or wrong to how you feel and often the period between the death and the funeral is a kind of limbo. As pps have said, there is no right or wrong way to feel. Just take each day as it comes.

So sorry for your loss OP, I'm glad you feel he's in a better place. Take comfort from that, rather than beating yourself up, if you can.

There's no rules around grief, everybody has different feelings and emotions, it's not something you can control. Don't feel guilty because you feel you're not grieving in a conventional way for him. Your feelings are just as valid as anyone else's.

Much love to you

My MiL cracked right on with lift after FiL died. She'd had a couple of years notice this would happen. She says she was able to process her feelings and do all her grieving in that time.

Thank you all so much for replying its such a sad time and I suppose a personal time my DAugjter has the same birthday as him in the summer I think that day will be difficult. I'm hoping I will continue on as I am having thoughts about him feeling sad and happy but not crying I'm a very emotional person that said we/I've been through a lot in the last few years. Thanks all.

So sorry for your loss. I lost my dad 5 weeks ago and am still waiting for the grieving to start. I was upset when it happened, and a little at his funeral last week, but mostly I just feel numb and removed from it all. I've had years to get used to this, and due to his dementia, lost him as a person years ago, perhaps this is why I haven't been as upset as I feel I should be? I feel like the worst daughter in the world.

Sending big hugs.

I worshipped by Dad and cried so much when he was ill. I was 22 when he died and felt a sense of relief for him. He was in so much pain for such a long time and I thought it would make him so unhappy to see me cry, I had two children under 2 and I tried to keep going for them,

I don’t think I ever was able to mourn for him properly, I kept everything hidden. My GC ask me about him and as soon as start to talk, I cry. Nowadays there is counselling available for dealing with grief, and if you are struggling I would urge you to seek help. I don’t think it helped me, putting on a brave face for decades.

My dad died 6 years ago. Like you I cried and cried from the day they told us he had cancer just two weeks before he died.

On the day of the funeral I was so overwhelmed I didn't know how I would make it down the aisle for the service - without the support of my husband and my son I don't think I would have made it.

But during the service the strangest thing happened. As it went on I felt myself getting stronger and stronger. I really felt that the funeral did its job - helping those of us who were left to face life without him.

My cousin prepared lunch for us as a family (no wake) and there was so much laughter that afternoon. I remember being amazed that I slept so well that night.

In the weeks that followed there were plenty of times that I continued to grieve for him. Even typing this I have tears in my eyes. But the funeral was a very positive time.

The fact that right now you feel happy doesn't mean that your grief is at an end, just that right now you feel peaceful. Don't stress that you are doing something wrong by feeling happier. Just take it day by day and if in a couple of weeks you suddenly feel overwhelmed by sadness acknowledge it because that is the way it works.

My Dad died 16 years ago - I adored him. He had suffered from ill health for many years, and basically told his consultant he didn't want to fight any more. We had to accept that decision.

We were all extremely sad and upset when he died, and there have been many tearful moments since - normally at things he's missing, like graduations etc.

But I never felt the sledgehammer of sorrow that I expected. In my heart, I know he had a good life, was well loved and achieved a huge amount. He didn't want to go on. I also believe that he brought us up to be strong, independent people, which meant that when he was no longer around, we would be able to cope. In a way, falling apart would lessen his legacy. Hope that makes sense, and doesn't offend anyone.

Wishing you well OP and everyone else who has lost a dearly loved parent.

My dad died at the end of January and since then I've had good weeks and bad weeks. One week I can be very tearful and in tears the second I'm on my own with time to think and then suddenly much better the following week and genuinely feel happy and lucky to have all I have. Someone said to me that it gets worse after the funeral and I didn't believe them but actually I think to a certain extent they are right. I thought the finality of it had hit me (I lost my mum 22 years ago when she was just 60 so had been there before) but still it comes in waves. He was 84 and had a good life and whilst that certainly does soften the blow, it doesn't stop me missing him any less. Don't be surprised if you also find you have good weeks and bad and on the whole this seems par for the course, though we are all different and each loss is different. My mum's death was much more a tragedy and it took me and my sister about 5 years to really get our lives together after this. We were very close to her and saw her daily. My dad had remarried and whilst I was still very close to him, and saw him regularly, it was weekly at best since he had moved away, though spoke to and text him much more often. Currently I find it very hard to talk about him and cry if I just think about him but I can focus on things and generally enjoy life so much more than I could after my mum's death. What you feel now may certainly not be what you feel next week but even if you do feel worse, it won't last forever and time really is a great healer.