Partners dad’s ashes

[granadagirl]

After chatting today with dp he was saying he is struggling with Some symptoms he is getting and that he hadn’t really grieved for his dad death 18 mths ago
I said what do you mean about your dad
He said, I don’t even know where is ashes are, if anything as been done with them

Bit back story
This is his dad second wife of 30+ years, none of the 3 kids have got on with her but tolerated for dad
She a very cold matter of fact woman.

So I was thinking of contacting her regarding the ashes??
Would I be out of order??
I wanted to ask her if she still had dad’s ashes, and if so would she let us have some
I need to put it better than that.
Help needed ladies????

I’m I out of order asking this?
How would you feel, if it was you?

I can’t see anything wrong about enquiring where his dad’s ashes are. However, having some of them might be a little too much to ask. If she has been married for 30 years it has been a long relationship and her wishes should be respected. If she has had them scattered then it would be helpful to know where or if she has kept them you could ask if your dh could have them left to him in the event of her death. Of course your letter would be showing concern for her and understanding that she is still grieving. In other words a really nice and friendly communication.

Bump

I’m not sure how I would have felt if one of my husband’s children had asked for some of his ashes 18 months after he died. It has been over 3 years now and I would now be prepared to share them with his children. For me it was all I had left of him and ‘splitting’ him up wasn’t something I was emotionally ready for at that stage of my grieving. I have buried his ashes now but I have kept some in case his children ever want some. However, everyone is different and she may be ready to part with some of his ashes if she still has them. There is no one right way to grieve so be prepared for her to say no but she may be ready later.

Thank you both for sharing your comments on such a delicate matter
I’m still uncertain as what to do on his behalf
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