Talking to teens about assisted suicide

[SkiFiend]

Hello

I wondered whether anyone had any experience of this? My uncle has terminal cancer and wants to end his life by assisted suicide (Dignitas). I am supportive of his decision (although terribly sad) as, I think, is the rest of the family (adults).

We haven't yet spoken to our children about this- they are fairly close to my uncle and know that he has cancer but not that it is terminal. They are 14 and 12, so old enough to understand the situation but, I think, they will struggle with how to deal with it- especially saying goodbye and the fact that he doesn't look as if he's close to death, if you see what I mean. Not to make light of it but both children found it very hard when we had to have our dog PTS- they understood intellectually that it was the right thing to do but found it difficult emotionally to cope with.

Just wondered if anyone had any experience or advice? My uncle has asked us not to say anything yet (either about his cancer being terminal or his plans) so at the moment the kids don't have much information at all, but we will need to speak to them fairly soon (with my uncle's consent).

Tricky. I would let them know that he is desperately ill. If he doesn’t want them to know how serious yes then don’t tell them.

I think they are too young maybe for assisted suicide (well the younger one, and the older one would tell them). It’s a hell of a thing to get your head around.

Should he decide to go this route then you will find the words - maybe that he has gone to a specialist hospice? Yes it will all come out later but you are trying to limit their distress.

Thanks so much for replying. I'm really worried about being anything less than honest with something so important- it's really hard. I think I'm going to get in touch with one of the child bereavement charities to see if they have any advice.

I think I'm going to get in touch with one of the child bereavement charities to see if they have any advice

I think this is absolutely the way to go.

if it ever came to it I would like to take the same option as your uncle. It once came up in conversation with my older children (I didn't initiate it) and I expressed my preference, early '20s now late teens then. One was yeah fine the other got quite cross, then a couple of weeks later the other had also changed her mind and didn't want me to ever talk about it again and I won't. Its a very different thing to discuss a hypothetical and to it being so close to reality.

I am so sorry for what you are going through and I have the utmost respect for your uncle, I honestly don't know if I would have the courage if it came to it. Its so hard and will be so very hard for them to get their heads around but you will find the way to support them through this.

I wish you all all the very best,

I don’t think you should lie about a ‘specialist hospice’. I think you should tell the truth, difficult as it is.

I also think that if you tell them he is seriously ill, they are highly likely to ask whether he will die. And that you need to be able to answer honestly.

I definitely wouldn’t advise lying or skirting around difficult issues. I also totally disagree that 12 is too young for this issue.

It’s not the same thing but a close friend took her own life. My 11 and nine year olds understand what happened.

Getting advice from a child bereavement charity is the very best plan, I agree.