Hard to handle how other people grieve!

[blinkywinky]

My Dad died last Sunday. We buried him on Saturday. It was not expected at all and I found him, I tried CPR but he had gone.
I can deal with it myself and I have helped my kids deal with it. I just can't deal with the pity party my sister is having on social media! I'm sick of hearing how many people are contacting her to comfort her.

This is my father! Dad has died! It's not a popularity competition. Plus she was so manic at the funeral and wake at least 2 people asked me what she was on. She waved at mourners out the window of the funeral car it was awful. I bit my tongue because I understand she is dealing with it in her own way but I'm struggling to cope myself and this dramatic public display is very uncomfortable.

I just needed to offload this on someone who won't tell me "Ah sure you know Sxxxx that's what she's like. How do I get over this? I can't look at her at the minute.

She'll probably get quite a bit of mileage out in of it over the coming month as well. Has she got a very boring life,?

We all deal with grief differently, no way is the wrong way.

It's no time at all and a sudden loss.. I haven't lost a parent but i may well go a bit mad with grief - who knows.

Sorry for your loss.

Sorry to read about your Dad and what must have been horrifying for you to deal with.

I'm with you about what we refer to as token grief junkies which seems a cruel thing to say about siblings or other relatives who are grieving and suffering a loss but I find it hard to quietly ignore.

That said it's maybe best to try and quietly ignore if you can - change your FB settings so you don't have your sister's status and public outpouring show up.

When my Dad died I struggled with posts on Facebook TO him as in "We miss you / lost you so many years ago today" which drive me potty sometimes and make me want to respond and ask who the fuck that status is actually for?

It is an insensitive thing people do and when someone has died very suddenly and a relative had that to deal with like yourself it's harder still and even more reason to be sensitive.

Change settings so you're not viewing that shit day in and out which will happen for a while unfortunately.

Go easy on yourself and take care xx

I'd put some space between you as much as you can. She is likely to crash at some point soon, and might need you to be there then, but while she is like this, and it is having a negative effect on you, try to steer clear. Both in person and on social media / phone.

Hi OP, really sorry about your dad. Mine died very suddenly too.

My dad's sister rushed to post on FB before my mum had even managed to get in touch with me! Luckily they got hold of me before I saw it. Lots of close friends and family found out from her FB post on his page. It still annoys me now

I also had people constantly saying 'your dad would have loved x' often when it was something he would have hated.

Just try and tune it out. Focus on yourself and your own journey. There are some great bereavement forums where you can vent and get a sympathetic ear.

Keep your chin up. It does get easier

Sorry for your loss, blinkywinky

BUT.

It's your sister's dad, too. How is her grief a pity party compared to yours?

Echt, i guess because it's all being played out very publicly on social media. Little discussion about what happened at home with us but lots of ambiguous posts on Facebook posts with ppl who don't even know Jim commenting underneath. Discussion about how it happened. It's so undignified and I know he would have hated this. I have no problem. With her grieving but I do have a problem with this being discussed in a public forum.

Agree with PP; unfollow your sister for now on social media. It may also be worth reviewing the stages of grief; both in terms of interacting with her process and monitoring your own.

Third parties (non-grieving folk) can be terrible during these times; do your best to not get dragged into it. The insensitive things people say when trying to be sympathetic are shocking!

Focus on yourself and those around you who can support you. Let her do her grieving and you do your own. Lots of love to you in this terrible time. Do try to find ways to reinforce your positive memories; it's human nature remember bad things more readily than good things. Take some time to reinforce the good memories: tell the stories to friends, remind people of good things. Let yourself hold onto the positives instead of having this be the memory that lingers.

Two people who I didn’t even know and didn’t know my husband particularly well chose to post my husband’s death on Facebook before I had had the chance to contact all our close friends. There are some idiots out there. Hold on to your own dignity and tell her if you want to be left alone for a while (although for the sake of future family peace, maybe not that you want to be left alone just by her). Make something up if necessary about her being too close to you makes it harder as it brings on the grief. If she is that irritating to you now, I suspect that you may not have been so close anyway. Keep her at arm’s length and look after yourself.