FIL died in the night

[FrogsLegs33]

We live two minutes from his Mum and Dads house, we had dinner with them last night.

My husband has gone there now to be with his mum and brother.

I am aching with sadness for all of them and because I absolutely loved him myself.

I don’t know what my role is. I don’t have any experience of losing people and I want to be there for them but without imposing or seeming detached.

I feel like if I just go to work what if my husband is sad and alone. I know this sounds pathetic but I just want to know the right things to do to make the people I love feel supported

Call work and see if you can get the day off. Your husband and MIL may need support and you are bereaved too.

There are things that will need to be done today like notifying any family who are not already aware and making contact with a funeral home.

Everyone also needs to be kept well, to eat and drink and your DH and MIL may not think of it so if you can make sure they have food in and are taking care of themselves.

Sorry for your loss. LWmommy has it spot on.

I've been there twice. It's horrible. Try and get the day off work. Be there for your family and look after them. Be the person who is cooking, making drinks etc and offer to make difficult phone calls if they would like.

You're not overstepping to offer things and to provide a shoulder. Take some time for yourself though. A loss like that will effect you too but it's natural that you're putting everyone else before your own feelings.

You will be in shock, ring work and not go in, tell your husband and mother in law how much you loved fil and if you can do anything just ask. Be there practically. Make cups of tea and listen, your grief is valid tho, you also loved him. I’m sorry for your loss

So sorry for your loss, OP. The best thing you can do is to "be there" for your MIL If he was well enough to have dinner with you last night, I'm guessing this was unexpected , and she'll be in shock to some extent. I'm sure it would be appreciated if you volunteered to cook for her , have her to stay overnight with you , things like that. Just let her take the lead - offer but don't make any fuss. Older women tend to cope very well , most of the time - I'm in her age group, and when you get to this stage of life, you're very well aware that one of you will go before the other.

The best thing to do is to be kind, be gentle, be loving. I'm sure you'll do the right thing instinctively.

I'm so sorry for your loss op.
I'd take the day off - you will be grieving too! Be there for your dh and mil. Make teas etc shoulder to cry on. You are allowed to be upset too.

There will be lots to do though - letting other family members know. Making an appointment for a death certificate (has to be done within 5 days of the death)

Hope you are all okay as can be (hugs)

I am sorry OP

As others have said, being there for them and helping where necessary. If it was unexpected I assume there may need to be a post mortem which may delay funeral etc.

Grief affects people in different ways and at different times. DH may go into coping/denial mode to start with.

I just wanted to come back and thank you all so much for your advice this morning.

I got entirely ready for work and because DH had told me to go to work as normal I nearly did because I didn’t want to intrude.

Asking on here and your advice made me decide to go there and be ready if they wanted me to go again.
DH was so relieved that I had come because once there he realised he needed me and I’d be in no state to work! All turned out for the best.

I spent the day with MIL while her boys arranged lots of things and let her offer me salad ten times and ate the chicken she wanted to get out. I held her hand and just wittered with her through it. I’m so glad I was there for the family and myself.

Thank you all xx