Loss off wife

[Downhillrider]

I think it's about time that I've really start to talk about this.

I lost my wife just over 2 years ago she left behind 3 children age 5,8 and 12. I'm 30 years old so really should have my whole life to look forward to but I'm really struggling. I miss her greatly and she's always on my mind.

Ok I just get my problem out this will be about myself my children are getting support from school and sorry if it's all over the place. I was angry when she went I couldn't hold my temper very well mainly toward my mum and dad and people at work although this has got a lot better I still have the odd rage. I still have a few drinks each night which I would love to stop or at least cut down! I don't get to the point off being out my face unless the kids are at the grandparents which I always regret the morning after. I struggle to sleep in bed as this just brings back so many memories nighttime is the worse time for me so most nights I'm downstairs with a few beers and it's pretty much where I spend my night.

I have been offered helped in the past but I've always refused it as I thought I could deal with it but I'm at the stage where life isn't moving forward for me. Sex life is 0 but there is a nice woman at work which we have been flirting with recently but she's 12 years older than me. I can't see us spending our life's together but right now I think I'd jump into bed with anyone!!

If anyone has been through the same how did you deal with it?

Well done OP. That's a good idea writing a letter. A good idea in general actually, writing things down, I find it is anyway and I know others do too. I have a note book I put things in. So even if you can't at the time say it to anyone else, you can at least tell yourself!

I failed at not having a beer last night but I did only one have

Just feeling so sick over the appointment have got it at 10 this morning

Once you have been to your appointment you will feel glad that you went. It's difficult to tall about sometimes but needing some help is not something to be ashamed of. We all need it at some point.

Loosing a partner is a whole different type of bereavement especially when there are going kids involved. You become the mum and the dad. You also have to deal with their grief as well as your own and this has maybe made you hold your grief in. Being angry is a normal part of grieving. You will be angry that she passed, angry that you are hurting. When my nan died I really just wanted to scream at the world.

You will be ok. Maybe not today or next week or next month but you will be ok.

What I will say in relation to your OP is please don't start anything with anyone else until you have dealt with your own emotions. I know you are feeling lonely but it wouldn't be fair to out that on another person. Be kind to yourself first and put yourself first. Do it for you and your children and take support from anyone who will give it

OP, there's nothing wrong with showing your emotions or talking about your feelings, in fact I think it's necessary to stay healthy.

Let us know how your appointment goes.

I did it! She is going to sort out bereavement counselling and has suggested anger management

That's great, well done. Was it as bad as you thought?

Not at all! Got myself so worked up over nothing!

Well done OP, you've taken a really important step. All the best, I haven't had your experience but have been bereaved and found counselling helpful as a safe space and time to talk about how I was feeling, as I have young children I was really bottling all my emotions up as felt like I just had to get on with the day to day. It sounds like WAY would be a good organisation for you, it would probably help you to talk to others who have been through what you have, and who will understand what you're feeling without you having to spell it out. Good luck!

That's it, mostly the idea of doing these things is actually worse than the doing.

That's really good to hear, well done.

Thinking of you op and sorry for your loss. Well done for seeking help. Crying and getting angry in a safe space ( counselling) is ok. Being too drunk to function at work isn’t so you’re doing the right thing seeking help

Glad it went well OP. Hope
You find something that works for you. You might have to try a few things before working out what works. The main thing is that you are addressing it.

If you haven't seen it the Rio Ferdinand documentary 'Being Mum and Dad' shows how hard he found life after the death of his wife. It's not on iPlayer anymore but you can see it on YouTube if you pay.
I hope life starts to get easier for you.

Thank you :) didn't drink last night! Did spent the night in bed not the best asleep at all constantly waking up and pillows all over the place but I guess it's better than falling asleep downstairs after a few beers!

Well done. Little steps. Sounds like you know what your own crutches are and you are working to remove them. It’s not easy; I haven’t been bereaved, but am on my own with the kids. And it can be hard... but it is definitely easier if you are kind to yourself and make sure you are looking after your own health and taking time to have some fun when you can. Good luck