I posted in the pregnancy thread before but now it feels a bit wrong to post there anymore.
I had a termination for a pregnancy. I just couldn't cope with the hyperemesis anymore despite multiple antiemetics and hospital visits. Two days after I actually can hug my DD without gagging. And she's not clutching my leg crying while I throw up. I feel intense relief when I wake up in the morning because I don't feel sick or need to run to the loo for bitter bile sick. But I'm so heart broken I had to destroy the baby. I'm grieving for something I couldn't even bear to look at on the scan. I feel like a whimp for taking the easy way out and a selfish monster for choosing myself over the baby.
Feel it's the end of the road for us now. We've decided not to put ourselves through that again...
I don't know what I expect from this post, but feel I need to put it down somewhere, to justify my decision if that makes any sense.
I suffered with severe hyperemesis in my first pregnancy with little respite despite my doctors throwing everything they could at it. As it was my first had no idea what to expect so just struggled along. Had started in a brand new highly competitive training post so leave wasn't an option or so I thought. Went on to have preeclampsia and c section. So I knew what to expect this time around. I just wasn't prepared for it being much worse than before even if that's possible.
It was my decision to end it. I told DH at least once a day I wanted to die, because the nausea and vomiting was so bad.
It's now suddenly over.
I'm sure I'll get through this but for now it feels so so wrong to feel so good, back to normal, to be able to sit and eat with my family. Sad and wrong.