How the hell do you make the decision as to whether a loved one gets resucitated ?

[CaptainUnderpants]

My Mum is 80 and in hospital , Has refused surgery for her condition which would mean removal of bowel and a bag for the rest of her days . Likely hood that she wouldn't make it through the surgery anyway.

So the hospital are going to make her as comfortable but there is alwyays the possibilty that the bowel could rupture or she could have organ failure if surgery doesnot go ahead. If surgery does go ahead then she may not make it through.

So the futute is not looking too good. The consultant has also asked my Dad to make the decison as to whether she should be resucitated should she have a cardicac arrest . We are going to discuss this with my Dad , siblings that is and help him make the decsion .

How the hell do you make that decision, is it a routine question to ask when things are not looking good ? or do they ask that when anyone is in hospital ?

Mum went for surgery at 6pm tonight .

Thank you for your kind words. Now just waiting by the phone to hear of something that is out of our hands and 200 miles away .

Well Mum made it through the surgery , although took longer than they thought . Now recovering in intensive care .

I said that she was strong willed and stubborn .

early days yet but still, one hurdle over .

Many thanks to you all for your thoughts and kind words.

CU sorry you're going through this - but glad to hear that the surgery went ok. Wishing you strength over the next few days, x

CU - my MIL died 5 yeras ago after taking an overdose, she was 54yrs. She was recussitated five times before we had even reached teh hospital. After being moved to intensive care we were asked the same question. She had machines breathing for her and showed no signs of being able to breathe on her own. Whilst we were discussing what to do she had a cardiac arrest. It was teh hardest thing in the world to see, they couldn't bring her back from it and she died.

I knwo the circumstances are very different to yours I just wanted to tell you someone else understnads teh decision you are facing and I know how hard it is to make.

I hope you find the strength to make it.

FB x

Glad to hear that surgery went ok. Take care of yourself. Thinking of you XXXXX

How is she doing?

Hi Kate,

Mum is out of intensive care ( or intensive theraphy as they call it ) and onto a ward. They are very pleased with her progress and op went well.

the only minor complication was that they had to take out her spleen as well .

That is great news! And hell - what do you need a spleen for anyway?! (that is a rhetorical question - I am a real doctor so I do actually know what a spleen does. Honest. )

Here's to a quick recovery!

I though that those who have posted on this previously and had kind words to say should know that Mum passed away peacefully on Friday evening. Dad ,my brothers and sister were all with her when she went.

The last few weeks have been a rollercoaster of emotions but finally Mum couldn't take any more and it was time for her to leave us .

A diffcult time ahead , if you are inclined to do so please say a prayer.

So sorry to hear of your loss - my thoughts are with you and your family.

Oh, that has set the tears coming.
I am so sorry. I have just read this thread and was so pleased the surgery went well to then read of your loss... I am so sorry.

What does she want?

There are documents called 'Living Wills' in some countries which I think are brilliant.

It allows a person to make their wishes about such things known whilst they are of sound mind and are legally binding in many states.

If I were your mother's age and in such ill health, tbh, I would want to be allowed to pass on with as much dignity as possible.

It should be her decision. It is her life and her body.

And, hard as it is, her wish should be repsected by those who love her.

Expat, I think you should read Captains post from today at 16.13 xx

Sorry, Captain.

Sad for you Captain

But glad it was peaceful.

The next few weeks will be hard for you but you know where we are.