Grief and anger

[RandomlyChosenName]

I wonder if anyone else has experienced this or if it's totally unrelated...

About a year ago, my father died suddenly and unexpectedly. I spent a lot of time focusing in helping my Mum and my young children with their grief and as a result I didn't have an opportunity to express my personal grief. I am aware this isn't ideal, but I had no time or energy to focus on myself.

Since then, I have found myself getting very wound up about things. At first it was dealing with banks and things and I felt justified. But now I seem to get wound up (to the extent of dwelling on it and not sleeping) over really minor things like a perceived injustice at work or if a friend did something I didn't think was fair. I’m not shouting or hitting people or anything like that, but raging inside about these things and getting stressed and upset as well.

Are the two things related? Is this the result of not being allowed to grieve? Or am I reading too much into it? Anyone got any ideas how to help me? I guess recognising it Is an important step...

Yes very likely related. Depression can manifest as Rage, it's not all about feeling sad. Is it worth talking to your gp? Grief has triggered your situation and as you say you were busy looking after others but you now need to allow yourself time (and help) to heal

You're not reading too much into your feelings, though any simple mechanisms are unlikely, a conjunction of circumstances can cause this, or only.

A sudden and unexpected death is classed as traumatic loss, which doesn't make it worse than other kinds, just different.

Two and a half year after my DH's sudden death, and I am fizzing with rage, always on the verge of tears, when objectively some circumstances in my life have eased. Does the ease give you room to feel angry, I wonder.

RandomlyChosenName

I’m not brave enough for the doctor and all that entails. Also I’m hoping that it might be made worse coming up to the anniversary and might ease afterwards. At least I recognise it now, so when I started feeling rage I was able to ask myself am I being ott and calm myself. Whether I’ll manage that all the time, I don’t know.

Thank you for your kind words x

I can relate to this and have been through 2 traumatic deaths in the last 6y whereby I’ve had to look after others and shelved my own grief and am now so easily angered, which has become very draining. The slightest thing sets my inner rage needle to max and I have struggled to keep a lid on it at times (shouting and stomping about at home).

Counselling has been helpful as an outlet to let off mental steam and recognise it for what it is. Took a long time to get on NHS but it’s been worth it.

Since I started this thread, It’s getting worse to the extent of being really angry and irritable at work and crying. Luckily I got myself away from people before the sobbing started. But this isn’t good! Also the anniversary has passed so it scares me I am still feeling like this and it’s getting worse.

I’m also scared of going to the doctor about it and getting medication as there is then no end date for it. I just want to be better.