Dating again how long did you wait

[Widowodiw]

I lost my husband last year in June. I’m am wondering how long people have waited to start dating/ or chatting to people online. I am strongly independent so don’t want a relationship as such. However, I miss just having someone. Someone to give me bear hugs. Someone when I’ve had a bad day to make it better.

I have started to chat to someone online. There’s a connection, similar feelings of missing that connection with someone. But I can’t possibly meet him so soon can I?

OP, I'm so sorry about the loss of your husband.

There's just no answer to this one, is there? I think for widowed men, the average to become re-attached is about 6 months. For women, the average is longer... but what do averages tell us anyway?
Perhaps you could meet but be very cautious/slow, and take it as it comes? Easy to say I know...

I'm a member of widows' group in Melbourne. We meet bi-monthly. It looks like five years is the average. No-one judges, we're all intensely interested, no matter what our personal "place" in our life is.

Do not be guided by this. It is how you feel.

Divorced men seem a shit option as by definition they always think they can get a better "deal". Widowed men may/will have baggage, but it's not the "can do better" default of the divorced.

The older your potential partner is, the more health issues are significant, i.e. do you want to move from one partner's carer to another? Sorry to put it so harshly but it's a thing to be considered.

@echt I’m only 38 as was my husband so hopefully the caring issue won’t be an issue. 😀

Hi
I lost my husband 8 years ago and have just started dating.
I had a young daughter of 8 years so my priorities were with her so I didn't go looking. However, I know exactly what you mean about hugs and just having someone to share your thoughts with at the end of the day.
After a couple of years I thought I was maybe ready and I would just see what happened, but meeting single men is hard at any age and as I wasn't keen on OLD I never met anyone.
So I just left it up to fate, but when she didn't deliver I decided to get online last year.
I've met a few nice men for drinks but none special. What it has done for me, is really get me to question myself in what I want.
I'm independent strong and financially secure, good job and great friends so I'm not looking to live together or marry anyone, but I do want a committed relationship.
My thoughts are that if you are questioning how long, then you are maybe ready to dip your toe in. I'd say go and meet some guys. You're under no obligation, take it slowly and the worst that will happen is that you decide you don't want to see them again.
Best of luck x

As long as you are allowing yourself to grieve, and have all the support you need, whenever it feels right for you is okay.

I'm sorry for your loss.

I'm part of the WAY (widowed and young) network and know widows who've started dating after a few months. What I would say though is be very careful with your heart. When you are still raw and vulnerable, emotions are more intense - we are quicker to form attachments and if a relationship doesn't work out, the loss feels incredibly painful - like loss on top of loss. That was my experience- meeting someone I connected intensely with after 9 months. It has and is taking s long time to get over. For me it was too soon and I was not coherent enough in myself... too needy. I'm only now beginning to feel that I have a life I'm reasonably happy with on my own. That I have that solid foundation back in place. 3 years in my case, but we are all different.

I had a kind of rebound relationship within the first few months. It was a sticking plaster to be honest.

I started a relationship with my partner about three years after I was widowed. We have been together a few months but known each other for years and he knew my DH too.

Three years felt like a better time for me but it’s so individual. No one has the right to judge you. You do what you feel is right.

I had OLD accounts very soon afterwards, but they were basically empty profiles which allowed me to browse - I knew that I wanted a committed relationship at some point and that I wasn't yet ready for it, but was basically just window shopping.

At about 10 months I fleshed out my profiles and chatted with a few blokes, although mostly i just swiped left!

I also joined WAY and formed quite close messaging relationships with a couple of widower, these were totally platonic in intention and our chats, although with one with we did consider a date at one point but circumstances wouldn't have been ideal and we decided against it. Basically the conversations filled a gap in our lives.

I went on my first date at about 13 months, distances weren't ideal and he didn't meet some of my criteria, but I basically decided to meet to "get it over with" so that the next one would be easier.
Hmm, best laid plans! We've been together 11 months now.

All the best, *Chasingsquirrels. 🐿❤️

Go with what you feel is right for you. And ignore any comments from anyone else - especially smuggly married / coupled friends - you still have a life to live (and now have to live it for two). You still have every right to happiness and love.
Always remains true to who you are. Do not involve your children unless you feel the relationship is going somewhere and do make sure that whoever it is know you come as a package and there are no compromises!

My first date was at 15 months, got me back in to real life again. That lasted two years and I knew what I didn't want!
Met my new(!) DH seven years ago.