How to get out of this hole

[mellongoose]

I'm not sure why I'm writing this but I thought I'd put it down and see what happens.

We recently lost our much longed for second baby. We had bad news at the 20 week scan and as a result we had to terminate the pregnancy. I gave birth to her 2 days later. She looked perfect but in reality was very poorly.

If she had made it to term her quality of life would have been rubbish. We have another child (4) and I am very lucky to have her.

I'm 42. All I can think about is trying again. I don't know why. I'm signed off work with grief. I am also a county councillor so there is no time off as such. I don't have to go to meetings and I can delay or pass on casework and explain why, however there is a constant feeling of letting people down. I'm not good enough.

What can I do? I have to be back at work in 2 weeks. I feel sick thinking about it. Am I depressed? I don't feel productive at all. I want go away by myself and recover slowly but I have a child and a husband. People are starting to suggest that letting normal life back in is the way to go now. It's time. The thought of it makes me panic.

I feel like such a failure. Does this get easier? I'm doing the school run and taking the dog for a walk every day. Honestly, my brain can't cope with anything else.

Are there any supplements I can take to help get me out of this rut. I have put on weight and I feel the worst I have ever felt.

Bumping for the evening crowd.

My heart goes out to you. Be kind to yourself. You're not letting anyone down. Grieve for your daughter. Be sad for what might have been. Try for another baby if you want to. There are no rules. Do what feels right.

So, so sorry for your loss. No real words of wisdom I’m afraid but my sister in law and brother lost their baby at 28 weeks and she found a lot of support through SANDS.
I don’t think there’s any right or wrong way you should be feeling but I think what you are feeling sounds completely normal for your devastating loss. They have conceived again and have a healthy baby but they are still devastated about their lost child. Be kind to yourself.

Don't be rushed, take your time. Life will go on without you, your job is important but nothing that can't wait or be covered.

Sadly only time helps these things. I'm so sorry for your loss.