I think I'm traumatised

[knowhow]

I posted in 30 days only and was advised to post here...

I wonder if anyone can give any words of wisdom or comfort, I am really struggling with having witnessed the death of a close friend.

I hadn't seen him in a couple of months, thought he was doing okay with the treatment. Then all of a sudden, he is on his death bed.

I was there with him when he took his last breath.

I can't close my eyes without seeing the image of him. He looked so tiny in the bed. And whilst I feel some relief that he is no longer in pain, I think I have been traumatised by the whole thing. I have never experienced death before...no one close to me has died before him.

How can I help myself to get over this? Its been 2 weeks.

That's really tough. Is there anyone you can talk to or would you consider counselling? It's wonderful that you were there with your friend at the end, but of course it is a traumatic experience too, so you are dealing with the loss and the trauma. Writing things down can also help as a way of processing what you have been through.

I wasn't with my sister when she died (we discussed it before and I told her I couldn't and she was ok with that. I stayed with her son whilst my brother and her daughter were with her) even so I still have flashbacks to just before the end and the days leading up to it.

Perhaps have a word with your GP or if your friend died in a hospice, they can be very supportive to bereaved family and friends.
Sending much love to you and hope you find some peace xx

Thank you for replying

Night time is the worst...dreaming of loved ones dying. Of my child getting lost in a crowd and the panic and fear I feel in these dreams are so heightened I wake up in a sweat.

Its helping being on here and typing it out and getting a reply.

I am just feeling so flat, can't seem to get joy from anything. I am going to take a long walk today through a park I love. Once this flatness lifts maybe I can look to get back into yoga.

Talk to your gp about local bereavement counselling services, or as Jules said if he died in hospital or a hospice see if they can help. It is a really difficult experience but it is a privilege to support someone so closely at the time they die and you did a wonderful thing.

Speak to your GP hope u feel better soon .

What you have experienced is very traumatic and it’s lovely that you were there for your friend x

Hello knowhow so sorry you find yourself with such upsetting memories and images. I too had similar with my lovely mum a very shocking thing to experience. I would add that time has diminished the trauma for me and the pure shock of it all.
Of course proper counselling should be considered but also consider that raw trauma will hopefully dull with time. It has only been 7 months for me but I don’t think about it all the time like I did.
Such a loving thing you did for your friend and very brave.

Aw sweetheart, you are grieving. Perfectly normal and totally OK to feel what you feel.

I can promise you that this time next year you will feel better. You will never, ever forget, but you will have learned how to live with the loss.

So sorry for your loss, knowhow

Traumatic grieving is a thing. It's not worse or better than the grief attending the eventual death of a long-ill person, but its differences need to be recognised, not least by the one grieving.

The death of my late DH was traumatic in its circumstances, so I feel for you.

This book; practical, wise, compassionate and unsentimental and short, is one I recommend unreservedly:

www.booktopia.com.au/coping-with-grief-diane-mckissock/prod9780733330889.html

I can't say you'll feel better in a year. I felt worse. Quite usual, I've read.