Neighbour suicide, could we of done something?

[Chilledmummy2016]

Hi all,
For the last 6 years we’ve lived next to an elderly person who has been a lovely neighbour but did keep themselves to themselves. They would help out with stuff like feeding our cats if we were away for the weekend (and gave treats even when we were home as they enjoyed the cats visiting) we would stop to chat in the garden or just say hi in passing.
Just before Christmas we went away for a long weekend and asked this person to watch our cats which they said fine. We came back and kept thinking we had missed them to say thanks as the person would go out a lot. We normally heard them due to tv being loud and them coughing loud and this is the bit I’m feeling bad about for nearly 3-4 weeks it’s been silent next door, we knocked but no answer the last few days and finally today I bumped into one of my other neighbours who broke the news .... about 3 weeks ago my elderly neighbour had killed themselves 😔 from the sounds of it we weren’t home as we didn’t see any of the police or ambulance crew that came to get them. The neighbour who informed me thought I already knew but due to Christmas and my lo birthday this time of year it’s been manic so haven’t seen many people on our street. I feel this guilt we didn’t check sooner, I know it was too late even when I did get concerned about not seeing/hearing them but to think someone so who lived so close saw that as the only way out breaks my heart. The person didn’t have any family near by and nothing further has been said or in the papers about funeral. Sorry I’ve wittered on a bit but needed to kind of vent somewhere as I wasn’t expecting this outcome. I thought if we didn’t get a reply it would be a case of police going there and turning out they’ve gone away to family and I’ve overreacted. Just feeling so guilty we couldn’t help them.

That's so terribly sad OP, what an awful shock. We can never truly know what's really happening in another's person's life. It sounds to me like you did do a lot for your neighbour; your were a friendly face who trusted them, involved them in your life through your pets, from whom they clearly got a lot of pleasure.

They probably got a sense of comfort from knowing your were there if they needed you. I too would feel like you. But the sad truth is in this aspect of their life you could probably have done nothing to change the outcome.

Thanks for your reply. It’s true what you say when you really don’t know what’s going on. Sadly I think it is the hindsight things now if I do wish I made more of an effort at times. I think we get so caught up in our own lives we forget people who live close by. I just hope that he’s at peace now.

Please do not take on this guilt. When someone chooses to take their own life, it is their choice. Often they are not thinking straight at all but you could not have changed this.

From the sounds of it, you gave him/her a purpose in life. By sharing the joy of the cats, this would have been a lovely thing for them.

Have a look on a website called Calm zone. It's a suicide prevention website, it might have some useful support.

Thanks for reply and will take a look :)