First christmas. Feel lost.

[namechangedyetagain]

It's been my first Christmas day in 42 years without my brother. Stupid I know but I sort of expected him to knock on the door yesterday morning as usual. I keep hoping he'll come back.
I kept busy organising the funeral, then I returned to work after a month or so which was a distraction and then I threw myself in to organising Xmas for the children as he wouldn't want them to miss out. Ds didn't ask santa for anything he just wanted his mummy not to feel sad all the time.

I feel a bit lost today and so alone. I miss him so much

I didn’t want to read and run. I lost my sister 20 years ago.
You’re allowed to feel however you want to and need to give yourself time to grieve. Although keeping busy helps, it can sometimes also not give you the time to feel things you need to be feeling if that makes sense.
Be kind to yourself and talk to friends and family.
So very sorry for your loss

I'm so sorry. It gets easier.

It does get easier. But it's okay to feel crap now and miss him. Keep busy when you can but allow yourself to feel shit - it's a sign of how much you loved him.I lost my sister 20+ years ago & you've got me with tears in my eyes. I remember the first Christmas - we tried to pretend but it was too soon & it was horrible. But we got through it & they got easier (though there were a couple of years when I couldn't face doing the family Christmas thing and had it on my own instead).

I lost my brother and best friend 13 years ago - he was 21. I miss him every single day. He never met my children and there are days even now that I find myself in the terrible awful pit of grief as raw as the day we lost him. When he passed I was hospitalised two weeks later - i physically could not stand up without falling down I had extreme dizziness and confusion. The world had literally been knocked off its axis and my body shut down. I remember even now the very kind doctor taking my hand and crying with me when he told me that I had to decide to be well as he could not take away my pain - I was suffering from grief.

Grief is just love - the love you had and want to give but has nowhere to go. The deeper you love the harder you grieve. My boy is with me, I feel his presence all the time. I talk to my children about him and I remember him now and can be happy. Happy for the joy, for the love and the pleasure of a shared happy childhood.

The first Christmas is hard, the first birthday, the first anniversary - every one is a painful marker of what you have lost. But you need to move forward and focus on the good. Focus on the life your brother would have wanted for you. X

I know. I really didn't want to bother this year. But the dc are 11 8 & 5 and my brother loved christmas and coming round to spend it with them. It's also or firstXmas in our new house so should be a happy time.

Tonight traditionally we'd be round his, watching films and then old comedy on tv. Him in his chair drinking his ale we'd got him for Christmas, pouring me g&t that is waaaay too strong and feeding the children ice cream and sugary things and making them laugh so much they would cry. Instead I'm sat on the sofa and it's me that's crying.

God I miss him. It's been bloody hard. Can't believe he left us. DM and DGF absolutely in bits. Sil oddly seems ok....

It is an emotional time of the year 😢😢 My dad only passed away 30 November (just over 3 weeks ago). Yesterday we all kept thinking that he would appear 😢😢💖

for you. It's been so tricky. I can't believe that tomorrow I'll have to say goodbye to this year - the last year he was here with me.

I cannot see how life can go on. I mean I'm existing , I'm working, looking after his nephew and nieces, cooking cleaning etc. But basically I'm biding6 my time until it's my turn to die. I feel incomplete. I've lost my brother and soul mate. For some reason no one ever thinks of siblings left behind.

OP I lost my sister in May 2017, I am completely lost, not the same person anymore. It does change, you will ‘adjust’ if that’s even the right word, I’ve no idea because I just get up every day and do what I have to do.

My sister was my best friend too, I get you OP, it’s terribly difficult to come to terms with, if one ever does.