How to get through Christmas

[Namechangedtoprotect]

My mum passed away 3 months ago. She loved Christmas and made it magical. I don't know how I will get through the next week. I have dc and trying to do Christmas for them. It's my birthday between Christmas and New year and I'm dreading that. Any coping strategies?
I'm downstairs crying because it's too hard but I have to woman up and get through the day meeting Father Christmas. I haven't got my dad a Christmas card as I can't bear to buy one to dad as its not for mum

I'm so sorry you're without your lovely mum, this was me last year. I didn't do Christmas I avoided anything festive as much as possible but I don't have dc so it was easier for me in that regard.

You don't need to woman up, you're grieving and it's normal to feel the way you do. Do you have people around that can support you?

My coping strategy was to head down and get through the Christmas period as best I could knowing it was a few days and that I wouldn't always feel as awful as I did then. It's very early days for you and I wish you much strength to get through the next few weeks.

Everyone grieves differently and you need to allow yourself to do that. Unfortunately this time of year can magnify all those feelings even more.

Do you have to celebrate your birthday this year? Could you keep it very low key and tell anyone that matters that you aren't making a big thing of it this year? That would take the pressure off you for that.

As for Christmas would doing things a bit differently for the DCs be easier to manage. So rather than trying to make things magical like you DM use to do maybe think of new memories (go for a morning walk if you didn't used to, have food at a different time, open presents throughout the day etc). My thinking was that it might be easier to manage than trying to do the same things that your DM used to do.

Could you get your DCs to make a card for your dad and sign it from all of you which again takes the pressure off a little?

Its very understandable to be upset so don't expect too much of yourself. Could you do one or two little things your dm did for you at Christmas for your own dc so her legacy lives on. Be conscious of being grateful to her for all the memories as , although its painful, its beautiful too to have has such a wonderful mom.
Talk to your dc about your dm and your childhood Christmas if you feel up to that.
But its very regular to have a low key Christmas after a family bereavement so go easy on your self and only do what you feel up to.

I know what you mean about the card. I always chose a special one to my mum and dad then I lost my dad in May and now I can't buy one just for my mum. Feel so sorry for my mum having to sign cards just from her this year. Such a painful reminder with each one.
I wish I had some advice to help you but I really don't. If I could fast forward Christmas I think I would. I'm hoping it won't be as bad as I'm expecting. I want to raise a glass to my wonderful dad but know it'll start me crying.
Hope you get through the festive period in any way you can and take a quiet moment just for yourself and your memories

Sorry for your loss. My dad died in February and I have not bought a card for my mum, reading these I now feel guilty, but we are all in same boat. It is hard but we need to make new traditions and keep alive all the old traditions we can. Take it one day at a time and look after yourself.

So sorry you are going through this @Namechangedtoprotect ,it is so hard trying to keep appearances for the Dc.
My Daughter died suddenly last September,she was only 22.
Due to the circumstances we couldn't lay her to rest until the November,it was just before my birthday.
Then before I could take a breath it was Christmas & It is so difficult,I think I spent more time crying in the bathroom than anywhere else.

Be kind to yourself,don't be pressured into doing things you don't want to ,accept any offers that are helpful to you .
I told everyone around me that I couldn't make decisions until the day & would see how I felt,I'm doing the same this year as I'm still finding it hard.
The only place I went was to my sisters as she was such a support,I could turn up in my pjs & she wouldn't care.

I did all I could for My Ds,he had to be sorted so we did our best to have a Christmas as close to our usual as he was 10 at the time ,everything else ,if it didn't get done I didn't have the strength to worry about it & people understood that.

Sending my thoughts to you ,you will get through it

Forgot to say ,I didn't do cards last year or this year & agree with PP about your Dc making one .
My little Dn made me one last year ,she drew my dd as a beautiful angel on it & told me she missed her ,It meant so much to me & ive kept it my memory box

I’m so sorry about your Mum OP

Last year was my first Christmas without my Mum and I’ve no idea how I got through it. Numb, on autopilot I think.

Do what you can do, don’t do what you can’t and above all go easy on yourself, it’s ok not to be ok.

I can’t bear to buy Dad a card either because it will just say Dad, he hasn’t got us a card for the same reason because he can’t bear to sign it just Dad/Grandad.

I guess what all that waffle is trying to say is, however you get through it is ok.

Thank you everyone. I finally bought a card today that I felt said what I wanted to say. I'm taking each day as it comes, hugs to all going through the same things, it's a invisible sadness

I lost my DM aged 69 In a car accident 3 months before xmas, two years ago. I felt I had to 'fake it' for my DC who had lost their grandma. It was tough, although the build up was harder than the actual day. This year is worse. MY DF died aged 54 years ago so the reality of spending every Xmas from now on with the funless in laws leaves me very bitter. I lit a candle xmas morning and left it burning all day, I liked to think my DM was with us. I also find comfort in having her old Xmas decorations around.

Just wanted to say I'm thinking of you @Namechangedtoprotect

Thank you, it seems I survived and thought I did a good job but my ds asked if we could have a proper Christmas next year. House back to normal and work tomorrow so time to get my life back on track somehow