What to put in their Christmas card?

[BertieDrapper]

Really wasn't sure which forum to post this in so apologies if I'm in the incorrect place.

A close-ish family members baby boy was still born at the end of the summer. They are dealing with it well but obviously are devastated and receiving counselling.

I came to write out their Christmas card this week and it seemed so sad not include their lost sons name in the card along side his siblings. So I thought about buying a Christmas decoration with his Name on.

But now I'm second guessing myself.... do I send it? I don't want to cause any more upset but also a close friend has said it's a really thoughtful thing to do..... what can I put in the card?
I'm not very good at expressing myself in writing so don't want to write something completely dumb!

Sorry again if I have posted this in the wrong section!

I think wishing them a peaceful time this Christmas works better than wishing a merry Christmas

Thinking of you all this Christmas, with love.

And personally I'd not send the decoration. It's a lovely thought, but it could be wrong for them. I'd stick with the card.

I wouldn't send the ornament. A heartfelt message, written to all of them, would be thoughtful. No need to list 'To x, y & z', at the start. Something along the lines of; 'Wishing you all love and comfort this Christmas, from...'

Something like "with best wishes for Christmas and 2019". Would be good to have a coffee soon.

You don't need to put the baby's name in the card. We don't include the names of the deceased in cards. If they want an ornament they will get one. Grief is unique.

Do, however, give a hug and be there and ask how they are doing.

I will be going to the cemetery at the w/e with a reindeer and flowers. My son would be 21. Just be there and willing to talk so this stuff stops being a taboo.

I’d write ‘ wishing you peace at Christmas and remembering....( insert child’s name)
I know all child loss is unique but this meant a lot to me in a similar position.
I also received a small tree decoration with child’s initial on it from one dear friend. Many years later it still brings a smile to my face
And please don’t send any jolly Christmas cards

I guess my thoughts behind it were that I've seen things on line- personal blogs etc and parents who have lost a child in similar circumstances say how they hate that no one ever says the babies name... like they never existed.

Sorry for anyone who has suffered a bereavement, especially at this time of year xxx

I think you sound kind, thoughtful and sensitive. I'm pretty sure it will mean a lot to your family member.

I wouldn't send a card with a pre printed 'merry christmas' message. Try to get one that's blank. And I would say thinking of you and baby (name) this Christmas. It is lovely for people to mention baby's name. It's been years since our baby died and I get one card on his anniversary each year from a friend. It means so much to see his name written down. You are very thoughtful.

My little girl died at birth almost two years ago and I'm dreading Christmas incase she is forgotten especially since I've had another baby and this will be their first Xmas. You sound like a lovely friend and if I were you I would 100percent include their babies name in the card it means the world to see people thinking of your baby and remembering them. I would also love the decoration but only you know your friends and how the would feel about this. I will say though that since losing my baby I've connected with lots of other parents who've lost babies, had still births or neo natal deaths and they would all love a decoration with their babies name from a friend like you xx

@somewhereovertherainbow18

for your loss I can't even imagine.

Thank you for all your lovely comments. I'm still undecided as to what to do re the decoration.
But I'm sorting our cards etc this evening so will decide then

Xxxx

One of the worst thing about bereavement is people acting like it didn’t happen, usually because they don’t know what to say.
If you wrote a card as pp said” wishing you a peaceful Christmas and remembering ( baby) it would be one of the better things gs that happens to them this Christmas.
You sound like a lovely person.

My grandson died in March 2006, when he was almost 3 months. A victim of cot death. We have always included his name on cards. We write cards to him & laminate them to put at his resting place. We buy him ornaments & presents, & we get an ornament each year for our tree for him. This is the way my DD has chosen to do things, not everybody is the same.
It's difficult to advise not knowing the family, but I do know know my DD doesn't want Jack forgotten & writing his name & talking about him helps her.