Support for anyone who loses a partner/spouse

[echt]

Building on the excellent, valuable thread begun by Mummylin for those who have lost a parent.

A place to depend on for support and sympathy.

Just logged back on, we survived Christmas day, at least it was a nice sunny day here so had a good Christmas dinner with friends then we went to the beach. My friend is part Scottish and apparently it is Christmas tradition to have an extra seat at the table for those gone, which I thought was lovely.

Spent New Year with my family which was lovely, but its another new year without DH. Last year was hell, gives some competition for the year my DH and Dad died so looking forward to this year. On the bright side DD has officially hit the 3 month seizure free mark this week so the year has started out well.

Pat, my DD and DH use to play a lot of sport together, we have a tennis court opposite us and DH use to be a good tennis player in his youth so him and DD use to go over and play regularly. DH got her this flash tennis racquet for Christmas when she was about 9 and since his death it has just sat in the garage :(

Echt thank you for your lovely words X

for you all. This was my first Christmas without my younger sister. All the siblings & mum, her husband and son spent Christmas day together. It was as good as it could be been with numerous glasses raised to her. We lost her in August so it's still quite raw. We worry a lot about her husband and son but make sure that we're all in touch via a family WhatsApp group. I get that this isn't getting any better but the unfairness of it all never leaves me.

Hi all, I lost my DH nearly 8 years ago. I was 25 when he passed away. Being a young widow had I guess the same challenges as others but just feels like the length of time for the future is longer.

I still think about my DH every day. I have had relationships since he passed away and every love is very different. I wish someone could fully understand the pain I went through and how strong I am to survive but it does change you. it makes you stronger but also sometimes a bit bitter.

I recommend people reading Widows wear stilettoes. Great book with humour yet practical information.

Sending you all love and hugs.

beckysbobbles, what you said about the longer future resonated for me, though my circumstances differ.

I met my DH in our late 30s, so all in had 25 years together. Very soon after he died I thought that if I lived as long as my mother, I would have lived longer without him than with him. I am corroded with envy when I see middle-aged couples, all happy.

for you.

I've just been set off by, of all things, the latest episode of The Archers. It resonated with all my feelings of anger and loss. I've felt like a madwoman lately, always close to tears and rage.

There is no-one to take care of me. That's what my late DH did, as I took care of him. I can do all of it, perfectly competent, but knowing that I have it all do, and for ever, is crushing me right now. Beyond sad.

A hand hold from me. My DH died last Monday and I'm desolate today. I have to wait in for the heating engineers so l can't even visit him in the chapel of rest.
After the initial admin and things to do, it seems all I have ahead of me is life without the love of my life.

MrsAitch13

I feel for you, and the ridiculousness of the very necessary life admin getting in the way of your wants and needs.

I wish you all the best in the very busy and difficult days to come. Keep posting, always an ear here.

Thank you. I really appreciate that.

@echt just listening to the omnibus. Broke me too.

@MrsAitch13 So sorry about your wonderful husband, the next few months will be hard but we are here.

@Echt hope you are doing well. I met DH in my early 20s, took him 15 years to propose though Were together close to 30 years. Yup the most devastating thing is the never grow old (as cheesy as it sounds).

In other news, DD is in her first week of flatting and is having a big flat party tomorrow night. She proudly told me that they have bought a keg My DH was tee total too!

I started a thread about his funeral, I hope I did him proud. The fact that I'm his widow literally takes my breath away with grief that feels overwhelming.

Well done you, MrsAitch. The funeral sounded lovely.

My DH's birthday today.

A hot evening, with the cackling of kookaburras that moved in after he died. I love that they live here now, but am sad he never saw and heard it.

Another stuff observation. Three years in I've been ready to let some things go that I held on to: ridiculously, DH's bikes. I have no use for them but only now am I ready to sell them (they're worth a bit so not going on the nature strip).

The other odd thing was the Saturday before last when, sitting watching the TV, no different from hundreds of other evenings, I suddenly felt lonely for the first time since he died. Not that I suddenly felt abandoned by others, that ship has sailed some time ago, just awareness of another feeling. I lived alone for some times on and off for years before I met my DH, so am good at it.

The house, though never untidy before, is always tidy now. It feels thinner.

@echt DH's "stuff"still surrounds me, I open a drawer, cry, shut it again. I feel lonely too, it's a feeling quite separate from missing him.

I hope you are well, you were very kind to me when my loss was new.

You're spot on, MrsAitch13, the feeling of loneliness being separate from missing him.

I'm well in external ways, but still surprised at the truth said so often on these threads, and by myself, that grief goes on and expresses itself in such an unruly ways.

I hope you're well too,

Thank you. I start a new job on Monday which is nerve wracking but the time is right and the loneliness has become too much.

It is 6 months for me on Sunday, amazing how it goes so quickly when days seem to last a lifetime.

All the best for Monday, MrsAitch13👍

Six months is so near (not about jobs, but feelings about your loss). Work is so good for the contact, though. I'm nearing retirement, going part-time as a teacher next year after 40+ years. Love the teaching. Hate the BigGov bollocks.

As I said to another widow, time flies when you're not having fun.:o
I can't believe three years has passed.

How did your new job go, MrsAitch?

This week I met up with DD fortuitously on my and DH's wedding anniversary. We drank Yarra Burn, ate terrible crisps, talked about DH ( we'd both had dreams of him that week) and watched "Cabin in the Woods".

It was good.

Having said that, at other times the week I've been howling at the loss.

My DH Is terminal but hopefully we've got some time before - I've been a SAHM for the last year ( autistic son doing his GCSES) I've just got a new job starting in September as I know I will need the distraction.

notapizzaeater, that's so sad, you're being very brave. It's good that you'll be starting a new job soon.

My husband died suddenly last month. It still hasn't really hit me, I could do with a good cry.

Lost my DP unexpectedly last April to sudden heart failure - found him dead in the hallway.

It's hard. So hard. I'd like to say it gets easier but it doesn't. It just gets... different?

Big hugs to all on here x

Bless you Lostpuzzlepiece.
Interested to know how you coped with probate. I'm just starting. I'm not daft but feel a bit overwhelmed.

MoaningMinnie1 I did two probates myself, one Australian, one UK, after my DH died. The UK was easier than the Aussie one, but I realise this was because all Aussie enquiries had to be done while I was at work, while the UK ones were done in the Au evening ( UK morning) so easier to be at leisure to take notes, etc.

I kept a ring binder with alphabetised pages to record the date, time and content of every phone call to banks, building societies, etc. Three years later I still use it. I found UK companies very geared-up to bereavements, often having special sections/phone/case numbers. HMRC are very helpful. Keep hard copies of everything.

All the best.