Message to widower with small DC

[FusionChefGeoff]

I want to send a message to my brothers’ best friend who has tragically lost his wife and mother of 2 DC due to a brain tumour. Would this help or highlight that his darling wife can no longer enjoy these things

The only thing I can add is that the whole situation and the way she dealt with it has changed the way I live my life. She’s made me spend more time doing things I love and helped me spend more time with people I love. I do so many things now that I wouldn’t do normally - because she can’t do them. Little things in the everyday of life that all add up to the bigger thing of a life well lived. And for that I will always remember her and hope that the strength in her little family and the legacy she had time to leave in the last 2 years will carry them through the unspeakable xx

How tragic.
I think your message is straight from your heart and will help your friend. I'm not an expert though.

I don't know and think this is possibly very subjective. However I recently lost my dad very suddenly and at the moment (in the raw and early stages) for me hearing a similar message from people highlights starkly all that we are missing out on and were unable to do with my dad. Personally I would centre the message less around how her death has changed you and your perspective (sorry to be blunt but this is not about you!) and maybe highlight some of the qualities that she had that you will remember and hope will carry them through as you have mentioned in your last sentence. If you are able to offer any specific help to the family during this difficult time I would mention that too. Sometimes less is more and in my opinion the focus of the message should firmly be on the person lost and the family left behind.

I agree with allusedup.
Being honest, if I'd have got that message after DH died I'd probably have thought "well that's fucking great for you isn't it". Tbh I might appreciate it more now 20 months later, but I might not!
On the other hand, memories of her, things the did, things that you admire - I really appreciated that kind of thing about DH.

I like your message. TBH I found when dh died that the occasional thing people said did sometimes upset me (always advice about what I should do, which I just didn't want to hear at that point) but I still much, much preferred that people got in touch than that they didn't. Just say what you are feeling and don't second-guess things too much.

I may well know the person you are talking about very well (yesterday with an overseas connection?) If so then I would suggest maybe waiting a bit. If not the same person then perhaps ask your brother what he thinks.

Thank you so much for taking the time to reply everyone and I'm sorry for everyone else's awful losses

I'm glad I sense checked this and will be including a different message in my card.

I can't think of an overseas connection, so awfully it sounds like this happened to someone else yesterday too

I think it depends on how well you know the person.
For me, if you'd sent me a message like that about my sister I would have felt touched and totally agreed with you because my sister was very like that and approached her cancer with such a positive kickass attitude.
But, and I can't speak from experience losing a spouse is a different thing again and this is the kind of message he might want to hear further down the line. A caring message acknowledging what an inspirational and positive person she was might just be enough at the moment.

Sorry to hear this very sad news

In terms of advice, I also agree with allusedup.