Angry at lack of support or acknowledgement

[Pootle40]

Hi everyone. My mum passed away almost three weeks ago after a very long illness and while it was a little bit unexpected on the day itself we had anticipated it happening soon. Anyhow I can't get passed the anger I feel as a result of my in laws reaction. I am ordinarily very close to them and have a good relationship with them both. I have been more of a daughter to them than their own daughter over recent years as they are practically estranged from her. Anyway having found out my mum had passed away my FIL didn't contact me at all and my MIL only txt after three days. They only live a few miles away and didn't come to see me. My FIL dropped my son off a week after my mum passed (a few days before funeral) and despite standing on my doorstep in front of me still didn't mention mum or even say sorry to hear your news. I just can't go over it and feel sort of pathetic for letting it annoy me so much. I didn't get a card or flowers (not looking for them but just to demonstrate the complete and utter lack of acknowledgement). Is it me? Am I overreacting? I feel like mum's passing has really shown me the people I can count on and the people I can't.

Even getting it down here helps as feel I might bore my friends going on about this. To make matters worse when I saw FIL a few days after mum's funeral which was the first conversation we've had since her passing he just went on and on again about my SIL and the estrangement issues and saga......which we've talked to death a million times. I found myself thinking.....why am I sitting here having to listen to this when you've never said a kind word to me about my mum. Talk about being wrapped up in yourself.

No OP, you are not over reacting. That's awful

I'm very sorry for your loss

So sorry to hear this. When my df passed away I also experienced similar things. I was amazed at how few people offered their condolences. Even a few people I had supported previously through their own bereavement did not contact me. I felt very angry and some of my relationships did not survive. I think some people think losing parents is in the natural order of things and don’t appreciate how devastating it is.

I am so sorry for your loss.
Regarding your ILs, how do they generally deal with emotions? Some people just cant deal with death snd bereavement on any level. Not an excuse, just a fact!

Thanks all.

It's true BillyWilliamV** they are not great with emotions but at the moment that just doesn't excuse it entirely and perhaps that's just where my head is at. I just feel so disappointed or that I don't really mean much to them. Perhaps I am being hypersensitive as both my parents are now dead and maybe I have unrealistic expectations of my in laws as a result.

Im sorry you mum has passed

It is very hurtful when peoples reactions are self absorbed, when my mum died it brought several relationships into sharp focus - and there was a good deal of brushing it under the carpet almost.

I have found im much firmer with these types of people now, i tend to breeze past their complaints and limit my time with them - but its horrible going through it in the beginning.

Could you tell them how hurt you are? Some people need to know the impact of their avoidance of bringing up painful stuff at all.