A lovely lady I work with is PG with twins and I'm finding it hard to deal with.

[Bubble99]

One of my full-term and completely healthy twin sons died due to medical malpractice during a botched labour 2 years ago.

Today, one of the women I work with came to tell me that she is 8 weeks PG with twins. We knew that she is pregnant but she told me today, ahead of everyone else, that it is a twin pregnancy. She knows what happened to me and I know that she told me so that I would be able to digest the information and wouldn't have to hear (and react to it) on the grapevine.

I have been feeling very down since. And have also been feeling bad for feeling bad, if that makes sense. I imagine this is how women who are TTC without success must feel when hearing about any pregnancy.

Thanks for listening.

It's that awful feeling of feeling bad for feeling bad. If that makes sense?

gess. You must have been plagued by so many 'should have been feelings..'

Not long after my son died there was a piece in one of the UK newspapers about a German couple whoses baby boy was born brain-damaged after a (proved) malpractice case at another London hospital.
The mother was given Syntocin aftere a previous CS and wasn't monitored correctly. She nearly died after her uterus ruptured and the baby survived for three months.

I spoke to the father and he had heard about our case. After talking to him I felt.. well, not glad... but something along those lines that my son didn't survive the resus procedure, as his son did, only to be born brain-damaged.

LGJ faints clean away..............

Cod said .........we love ya.

Bloody hell, you lot. xx

yes, know that feeling of feeling bad for feeling bad, AND of almost wanting someone to share that awful feeling with. Not wishing it on anyone, but not wanting to be the only one. I remember someone very wise saying to me that they're not nice thoughts, but they're REAL and allowed. When I say 'let them roll" I mean let go of that " I shouldn't feel like this". Why not? You do, & that's allowed, and completely normal. As cod said it is a big deal. The pregnant woman will be fine, look after yourself.....

Bubble

As you know I have my own baggage, re no more children.

But things do and will change albeit incrementally. I held a three week old last week. I did not feel destroyed by my broodiness. Prior to this I would always hand a newborn back with a mixture of relief(sleepless nights) and deep deep longing.

It will pass my darling, it will pass.

My love and prayers

LGJ

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX XXXX

you haev to feel bad i tihnk
its your right

It would be weirder, if you didn't feel bad, if you came on here, and said it was no big deal. Then we WOULD be worried about you!

It is. But it's hard to keep the bitter fairy away and not piss on someone else's deserved pregnancy parade..

I think this lovely person knows that I'm not going to be in the line to look at her scan photos, though.

And that is why she told you ahead of the posse.

It could turn into a Sound of Music moment..

This really works for me.

Whenever I feel afraid
I hold my head erect
And whistle a happy tune
So no one will suspect
I'm afraid.

While shivering in my shoes
I strike a careless pose
And whistle a happy tune
And no one ever knows
I'm afraid.

The result of this deception
Is very strange to tell
For when I fool the people
I fear I fool myself as well!

I whistle a happy tune
And ev'ry single time
The happiness in the tune
Convinces me that I'm not afraid.

Make believe you're brave
And the trick will take you far.
You may be as brave
As you make believe you are

You may be as brave
As you make believe you are

[LOUIS]

While shivering in my shoes
I strike a careless pose
And whistle a happy tune
And no one ever knows,
I'm afraid.

[LOUIS AND ANNA]

The result of this deception
Is very strange to tell
For when I fool the people
I fear I fool myself as well!

I whistle a happy tune
And ev'ry single time
The happiness in the tune
Convinces me that I'm not afraid.

Make believe you're brave
And the trick will take you far.
You may be as brave
As you make believe you are....

Oh bubble.x

I hate feeling bitter- but it passes.....

FGS don't feel you have to look at the scan photos. The woman sounds lovely and very sensitive so I'm sure she'll make sure you're not put in that position.

bubble - how are you feeling today?

Having read this thread again, I would reiterate the need to get some professional help with this, along with the friends and family who I'm sure would support you too.

My mum had a full term still birth (medical negligence) and then went on to have my sister and I. The still birth was a boy, and she was not allowed to hospital for his burial or allowed/encouraged to grieve for him and it has affected her life a great deal. She found it very difficult when I had my two pregnancies, and withdrew. She told me how relieved she was when dd was a girl and said she would ahve found it really hard to deal with me having a boy. Then DS arrived. I told her before the birth that he was a boy so she would have time to come to terms with it. I think it has been hard for her to see me raise a boy (as I'm sure it will be hard for you when you see twins, your friends or family have twins) but also it has been cathartic for her to have a boy in the family at last and enabled her to deal with some of the grief she buried 35 years ago.

Please get the help you need sooner rather than later and feel free to blub on here whenever you need to.