MIL has passed...

[AlwaysSunshine81]

Hi all. It’s a tricky situation as we split up last year. I was very close to MIL but once we split I didn’t see her much. She was diagnosed with lung cancer 2 years ago.
My ex has just phoned to say she’s passed away. We have a 4 year old together and I’m wanting some advice on what we tell her. I feel a bit numb and in shock at the moment

Well clearly she was your dd’s Grandmother so should be told in an appropriate way. It also sounds like you had a good relationship and even if you didn’t you should acknowledge her passing. You can either, go to the funeral or send flowers and a card.

Sorry to hear of this sad loss.

Thank you. Yes I was close to her before we split. I feel like I don’t have a right to Be upset, think I’m still in shock at the moment

Of course you have a right to be upset. No matter what your relationship with ExDH is she is still a person who you had a relationship with and valued.

Yes you were family together and your dd would always mean you had a meaningful connection. Maybe you could help your daughter make a picture with memories of some of the things you all did together, or a collection of happy photographs. I lost my parents as a teenager and the worst thing you can do IMHO is NOT acknowledge a loss and tell the truth as that is more scary and confusing to a child. Children can often accept life events and take them in their stride if adults can be honest in an age appropriate way.

Yes you have a right to be upset. You can choose to go to the funeral, or to send the family some flowers.

Tell your DD in a simple way, depending on what your beliefs are on the subject.

Of course you have the right to be upset! You also need to find a way to tell your child and to support your child and yourself.

This is a good book, if you need help explaining things

www.amazon.co.uk/Water-Bugs-Dragonfiles-Explaining-Children/dp/0829816240

I’ve recently had to tell my 6 yr old that Granny died.

I would discuss with your ex how you or he or both are going to tell her & what you’re going to say.

My 6 year old had a lot of questions & I’ve just tried to answer them as honestly as possible in an age appropriate way.

I’ve also tried to show her that I’m sad too & missing Granny is normal- we’re all sad, we all miss her.