Worried about my 6 year old

[Juststopamoment]

I have 2 sons and they lost their father just over a year ago. We were separated for a number of years so after the initial sadness I was fine. My younger son worries me. He peels skin off his fingers until they are raw. It’s normally just one finger at a time. He has been doing it on and off since his father died. I thought he had stopped but I noticed that he had started on his thumb again. He told me he wants to see his dad again and he misses him. What should I do? For now I’ve put a plaster on it but I know that isn’t solving the problem. I’ve heard cahms has a long waiting list and only takes very serious cases. Thanks.

If you feel comfortable speak with your DS's school. They may have some pastoral support they could offer. They may be able to signpost or access bereavement counseling too.

Tell the school, they can access support. Maybe see if your son wants to visit the grave, or make a scrapbook about his dad? I know it's not the same as seeing him again but it could help to process his feelings.

Have a look in your local area for childrens bereavement services. If google isn't productive you could try ringing camhs or doctor and seeing if they have any ideas or social services. Our local service is good, a neighbouring area is great but other areas are hit and miss.

I know children who have been really assisted by a bereavement service so it's worth finding

I’ve spoken to the school and they’ve told me to contact our gp but I feel that should be a last resort. We went to a local bereavement charity and she said that as we didn’t know how he died she couldn’t continue seeing them.

So sorry to hear this. I think the school need to be doing more, even if just sign posting you to organisations, could you back to them and say the charity was unhelpful and please could they investigate what support could be available. Is this primary or secondary school?

In terms of the charity...that seems an odd response, not knowing cause of death shouldn’t be a reason for the charity to turn you away.

I’d be tempted to cover all bases and see your GP as well as pursuing the above.

Don’t hold back with saying how worried you are about your sons.

Ok thank you. I’ve made an appointment with the GP.

Where in the country are you OP? It can be a bit pot-luck with where you are but there may be some other children's bereavement charities out there that could possibly help. I too had trouble accessing support for my six year old after his father died too - he suffered terribly with anxiety for a long time after. Your GP might be able to point you in the right direction. In Dorset we used a charity called Mosaic who did a few sessions with my two. I know there is another support group in York. I too am confused why they would send you away for not knowing the death! Keep looking. And speak to the school, they may know of other avenues to try. I hope you find some support for him soon, poor boy. Good luck.

I would definitely ask the GP to refer you to cahms, we had a referral a few years back (not bereavement related) & only needed to wait 3 months.

They are the experts & it sounds like your son & you need support right now.

Hi, my girls’ dad died at the end of last year (we’d been apart for nearly 4 years) and I’ve spoken to winstons wish a charity who are just amazing. I think they’re based Gloucestershire way but I’m not in the area so I’ve just spoken to them on the phone, they have lovely counsellors. Also see if child bereavement uk have a centre near you? Pm me if that would help

Definitely contact the schools pastoral care. They were superb with my daughter when my husband died.
Also try winstons wish and child bereavement uk.
I’d also recommend contacting your local hospice. Even though my husband did not use the hospice, they offered bereavement support and councilling for my daughter and I.

Also have a look here. This charity is a one stop shop for all things bereavement. Hopefully this should sign post you to some more support and resources

www.thegoodgrieftrust.org/

My son is 7 and lost his Daddy in April, like you we were separated at the time.

I got lots of support and advice from phoning Winstons Wish the child bereavement charity and we also have a lady from CHUMS who he sees during school hours. They work through a grief book during the sessions.

I have linked below to the 2 organizations:
www.winstonswish.org/
Chums.uk.com

Good luck s

Not sure what bereavement charity you tried but cause of death is irrelevant, access is for as long as needed. I've worked for a charity and we had kids come back years later