How do I get through tomorrow?

[NoOffence]

Have name changed but was previously BirdOfParadiseLady.

It’s my Mum’s funeral tomorrow, she is being buried & I’m much more used to crematoriums.

I am freaking out about seeing the coffin - how am I going to sleep tonight?

Positive stories of funerals would be much appreciated!

Sorry for your loss. Had my mum's funeral earlier this year, could not imagine getting through it one piece and was particularly worried about seeing the coffin arrive. I can't even recall that now. I actually helped carry the coffin in, I wasn't sure I would be able to then it just felt right. The funeral was perfect, she had had an input in what she wanted and I remember it as a beautiful and special day. Presumably your mum made the decision for burial so hopefully it is a comfort that you are respecting her decisions. The undertakers do this every day, they will know how to support you and no-one will expect you to anything other than what you need and want to do, so don't worry about showing your emotions.

I feel for you, I couldnt connect the box with my DF. I only found it very hard when people had so many kind things about him.

Our parents live in our hearts forever, tomorrow is just part of the journey. Try not to let the funeral define your memory 💐

I am 2.5 years since my Dad passed and recently in the village someone told me that he was "kind and gentleman" I was so very moved and touched by their memories of him.

You get through it hour by hour, minute by minute if needed. My best friend's funeral was today (cremation not burial though); as hard as it was, it felt good to celebrate her life and the huge impact she'd had on so many. Making sure that people could remember her and smile was important, allowing people to hurt equally so.

You may not sleep tonight - that's exhausting but ok.
You may laugh tomorrow - that's ok.
You may cry tomorrow - that's ok
You may feel any number of things - that's ok.

As long as you allow yourself to feel what you need to feel, you will be ok - even if you are a mess, that's OK.

My mum’s funeral was last Thursday. I don’t know why, but I couldn’t connect the casket (it was wicker) with her either. I’d talked to my daughter about the funeral being about remembering all the great stuff about Granny, and the stuff in the basket were things she didn’t need anymore.

She’s still very much with me, I think. Her death was sudden, so perhaps I haven’t come to terms with it yet. I felt she was with us, watching the proceedings, rather than in the basket.

I’m talking to her a lot and it’s helping. Thursday was hard, but it was all about her life; I needed that.

Can you tell us about your mum? x

With mum it was just a whirl as it was unexpected. We were just so keen to 'get it right' for her - she was quite proper really - and the vicar was brilliant and looked after us well.

I have found burials less horrible than cremations to be honest.

It's stressful and sad and awful all at the same time. I always take my glasses off as I'm as blind as a bat and it helps if I can't really see what's happening.

I hope you have family around who will help you through this. It gets sadder after the funeral and wake - once the people go. But the sadness goes little by little and you do get through it.

I'm sorry about your mum - I know it's crap. Something usually happens at our funerals - at mums the vicar stayed without us (the kids) as we were talking to some people outside and he didn't notice that the front pew was empty.

At dad's our uncle almost fell into the grave - the poor soul had alzheimers and someone thought it was a good idea for him to be holding one of the cords. He didn't really know what was going on and looked quite happy (although a bit puzzled).

💗 to everyone here who has lost someone close.

One minute after the next. Burial or cremation, focus on the love you feel, the memories you have and celebrate the person. You can do it, accept there will be tears... and hopefully some good memories shared by others Good luck x

It won't be easy. It'll probably be one of the hardest things you've done. You'll get through it because there's no other options. If you don't sleep tonight don't stress about it. Just go with it.

Thanks all for the kind words. My best friend will be here in about half an hour & it’s an hours journey to the burial plot.

She is absolutely the right person to have with me & is always an amazing support no matter what’s going on.

I’ve been trying to prepare myself mentally but just can’t even think about it - it seems surreal. I’m sure when I get there it’ll all hit home.

I’m so lucky to be surrounded by amazing friends who I’m metatarsal the pub later - they are my rocks.

Just got to think in 3 hours time it’ll all be over.

How did it go? Pleased you had a good friend with you. I expect today will pass in a blur for you.

Bexcee- it was actually better than I thought it would be although I really couldn’t imagine my Mum being in the coffin - literally seems to be something my mind refuses to process.

NoOffence - Then don't try to imagine her in the coffin, the essence of who she was isn't there anyway - you'll carry that with you every day of your life along with all those who knew and loved her.

Think of the coffin as a symbol, the burial as a symbolic ritual of your mother being laid to rest.

I still remember my Confirmation class (a million years ago) the vicar describing the body as the envelope and the soul (or essence) as the letter. So you wont treasure an envelope (even if its pretty and has fancy stamps) the way you would the letter (is the important thing that you treasure).

Take it one day at a time. Some days will be better and some will be horrible.

I had a reel of film developed some time after dads funeral (a long time after actually as I lost my old camera) and got the shock of my life when I picked them up to see that someone (probably mum) had taken photos of dads grave after his funeral with all the flowers on it). I opened the pack as I thought they were baby pics of DS. The poor guy at Boots didn't know what to do with me (he was quite kind). Dad would have laughed his head off at me (as he did when I was being daft).

I really wanted to take a photo of mum’s basket, covered with flowers and foliage in autumn colours from her, and my friend’s gardens. It looked so beautiful.

I wondered whether seeing me photograph it might upset someone (mainly dad), so I didn’t. He said afterwards that he wouldn’t have minded at all.