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Bereavement

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What to plan / how to plan for elderly father passing away

4 replies

RuddyTrees · 23/10/2018 21:25

My lovely Dad is beginning to... fade away. While it's not unexpected,
we've buried our heads in the sand for a while and we now, as a family, find ourselves in a place when we need to start having difficult conversations & make plans for the now, and the after. We're all talking about how Da will be helped in these last few weeks and we've managed to get his thoughts, hopes and wishes into a coherent plan.

The main issue, now Da knows what he wants, is what the practical things are after he passes. Like so many of their generation, my parents have always done the stereotypical male/female roles. Da has always dealt with all the financial things, taken the bins out and Mum has perfected a number of recipes, got mud out of t-shirts, run the house on a daily basis and done the nurturing stuff.

If / when Da passes away, I need to help Mum get the confidence & ability to run the house, deal with bills and upkeep of the house. How do I do that? She's not computer savvy and has no idea what needs to be done / paid / scheduled. Has anyone any advice on how to guide her through the practical things?

Thank you in advance

TL;DR: what day-to-day stuff does Mum need to sort after Dad dies?

OP posts:
echt · 25/10/2018 06:28

This will help for legal/probate/wills:

www.gov.uk/after-a-death

For the rest, what do you do? If you pay online, show her how to do it.
Make a spreadsheet of bills for the year: utilities/ insurance/rates, etc.

explodingkitten · 25/10/2018 08:06

We couldn't get MIL to understand financial and legal stuff so she now saves everything for the weekend and my DH does it for her. It works for us.

explodingkitten · 25/10/2018 08:07

We also wrote out a budget for her so she knows how much money she can spend per week.

ineedaholidaynow · 25/10/2018 21:01

Might be an idea to get a finance POA for your DM, if you haven't already. So you can always help organise payments for her, especially anything on the internet.

If you need to phone any companies especially utilities to tell them about the passing of your dad, always ask to speak to the bereavement department.

Use the tell us once service when go to the Registrar and get a few copies of the death certificate as they cost more at a later date.

I am so sorry you are having to plan this Flowers

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