Losing my mum, can’t cope

[Angela5972]

Hi all
I haven’t been on here before but am struggling very much at the moment and would be grateful for any help or advice please.
Four weeks ago my life shattered when my active, independent mum, my best friend, suddenly fell at home and whilst in hospital was sent for a scan. Turned out she has several health issues, not least a likely advanced cancer. We are due to see consultant again on Weds after three weeks of waiting but I can see she is going downhill and am not expecting good news.
I am utterly devastated.
My partner can not cope with my grief at all and I feel he alternates between being completely cold or getting angry with me.
I am caring for mum at home.
I have two dds, 10 and 11. Oldest already suffers from anxiety, now won’t go to school, has become angry and violent.
I have no one to help either practically or emotionally and feel like I just can’t go on.

Hi OP,

I'm so sorry you're going through this. Unfortunately I have no practical advice, but here is a hand hold from me. You will get through this. Your partner needs a good talking to though, you need more support from him. Grief affects things massively, everyone on this board gets it so please do keep posting.

As pp said you will come out the other side it takes a while. My dcs were 7 & 3 when my mum who was my best friend passed away after a 6mth cancer battle.

Your partner may be suffering with not knowing how to address the situation. My exh was the same. Tell him how you feel and you need support.

When you go to the hosp appt with your mum if anyone offers to go with you take up the offer. Ask if this person can take notes very beneficial when you are being told bad/distressing news. Do not be afraid to ask questions - doctors/consultants are there to help you.

Tell your dd’s school you have received bad news so the school knows what is wrong and keep them in the loop.

Keep posting here & do not be afraid of asking for help. 💐

What tough time for you. You might find help comes from the most unlikely places...
It's a cliche but make time for yourself...even it's it's just a bath etc.
If u need to talk, call a helpline....Samaritans are for anyone going through tough stuff (not just people who are suicidal).
You must be in shock...
You are doing an incredibly difficult thing.
Try to keep your strength up...your mum is the priority but you need to keep your strength up to look after her and the rest of your family.
Maybe write a list of questions for consultant...it's easy for mind to go blank in thus sort of situation.
Thinking of you. X

I’d find a counsellor you could talk to or reach out to friends.

I’ve just lost my Mum & I find the best people to talk to are the ones who’ve been through the same thing.

Poor you, that all sounds a lot to deal with. How does your dp deal with your emotions generally? I mean is his reaction because he is too shocked as well or can he not cope with any change in your emotions?

When my mum died I spoke with both schools, primary and secondary, and they arranged some counselling straight away. Perhaps speak to their school so they can organise some support and at least they would know what’s happening.

Lastly, but by no means least, do you have anywhere you can get support? Friends, family, gp? But always post on here as lots of others who have been through the same and can offer support at all times of day and night.