Feel like I'm in a bubble

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My mum died just under a month ago and we've had the funeral and I'm back to work. But it's hard. Every day is a struggle. After work all I want to do is hide but I have kids and need to be strong with them. My commute in the car is the hardest part, 45 mins of just me and my thoughts. I feel unloved and removed from the world. How do I keep going with this hole in my heart?

Because you have too. The hole will always be there, sometimes it will be small and some days it will swallow you up, you will never know when these days are, they are random and will hit you like a bolt of lightning. You are still in the very early stages of grief but remember what you are feeling is all to do with the amount of love you had for your mum. People say time is a great healer, thats not quite right, its more about time helps you accept that the pain that comes with losing someone becomes more bearable, it never goes away but you accept it as part of you and can live with that. Its been 6 years since my mum died and still i will pick up my phone thinking oh i need to tell mum about xxx school report (she was a teacher). Its also been 4.5 years since my dd died, thats still a big gaping hole but i have learnt to smile again and i use my commute time to remember all her silly quirks and naughtiness. Grief is a long lonely road even in a crowded room. Xx

I went to post my reply to you but Phillipa12 has said it far more eloquently than I could. Everything said in that post is spot on.

My lovely mum died 3 years ago and I was in a bubble for at least the first year. I did cry with the dc as felt it would be good for then to learn to let their emotions out too but I kept my bone shaking howling for when I was on my own with nobody to hear me. I still sob now but life is certainly calmer and I am looking at the future whereas before time seemed to have stopped.

It took me a thing least 2 years before I could laugh naturally again, before that I would laugh if others around me were laughing as they were my key to whether something was good or not- I has lost my ability to feel anything at all?

Be kind to yourself, it is very early days, and your body and mind are still in shock.

My Mum died less than two weeks ago & today is her funeral, I feel exactly the same.

I don’t know when reality is going to hit but I know it will at some point.

I have to keep on keeping on for my kids & my family.

Counselling & my friends are my biggest support. I’m just trying to let myself feel what I feel but at the moment it all feels very surreal & as if I’m in limbo.

My mum died 11 years ago and I still feel tears pricking at random thoughts and memories

I think of my childhood a lot ( which was lovely)

I keep looking up my childhood home on rightmove, just in case

It's made me think of how my kids will feel when they lose me.... so I've done the family tree on ancestry, made an effort to take more photos together etc.

I'm sorry for your loss op. It's so difficult. As a pp said, be kind to yourself

NoOffence I hope your mums funeral was peaceful today ❤️❤️

Thank you everyone. This half term is hard as I am spending it with dc who want to have fun and laughter. I'm grabbing lots of hugs with them though

Hugs are good.
Have you got anyone locally who can have the dc if only for a short time? I found that if they went out sometimes it gave them a chance to have some fun and gave me some time to sob or sleep.

Otherwise cinema works or films and cookies on the sofa...

Lovely in laws have them this afternoon, given me a chance to veg with bridget Jones and dh.

Having time to think is a mixed blessing. It is hard to deal with your mind wandering into sad territory but somehow I think it’s your heads way of processing it all.

My dad died 5 months ago. I am relieved to realize I still love him (I guess I thought you lose love too when you lose a person) and our bond is still there even if he’s not.

A mixture of keeping busy and having space and time to process things is what seems to keep me going.

Best wishes to everyone here

There is no real fix... you just adjust to the hole in your life. It is a hole, nothing fills it but you kind of get used to it. And sometimes the fact that you have this hole is overwhelming sad and sometimes you’re ok with it. Grief is a lonely road in a crowded room hits a nerve... I have lost my dad and my husband his mum recently and our journeys are very different. Thoughts and prayers to all

When my mum died somebody described the loss really well.

She said to think of my mum as a tennis ball falling into a pint glass which is my life. At the time she died the tennis ball filled my pint glass and took up all my life and thoughts. Over time my pint glass grew as other events, happenings and just general living caused it to expand. However the tennis ball stayed the same size, never going away or shrinking. So as life moves on the tennis ball stays but doesn’t dominate so much.

I hope that makes sense as I’ve not worded it very well. ❤️