I have just had an argument with my sister on the telephone. Well, it was not an argument, she yelled, would not let me speak then I hung up. I am very angry, although I expected it.
This is the story. Its long I am sorry. I have changed my name, however some people might recognise this.
My mum died of aggressive ovarian cancer in Jan this year. My sister was executor, my brother and i suggested selling some items of mums that no-one wanted and splitting the proceeds between the grandchildren for their trust fund (my sister has two, my brother has two, I have one). Not talking about personal things, but things like washing machine, microwave, kettle, sofa. My sister turned went nuts, called us greedy, accused us of pouncing in the moment mum died, etc etc. Not going into all the details, but lets say she was extremely nasty, vicious and ignored my brother completely at mum's funeral, and refused to go to his wedding two weeks later even tho he tried to hand out the olive branch, got her husband to call and leave him an answer machine message telling him they were ill, refused to talk to me.
One call since, on her birthday when I called her to say happy birthday, she returned my call.
Then, a few weeks ago, she leaves an answer machine message telling me that my father, whom I did not know, has died and she was acting as executor. In reality this meant not very much as he was found with no addresses in his house or will and by the time they traced my sister all the details had been arranged, and the wake was organised by the pub where he drank (alcoholic) which she was not going to as she had a meeting at her sons school which she was not prepared to cancel. Anyway, I spoke to her twice about this, said I doubted veyr much that I would be going as I did not know him, she said it was up to me but felt it was a long way to go (devon to London) for 15 mins and a person I did not know, she said she would not be offended, and did not mind either way if I went or not, my other brothers were not going either. Her attitude was blase, offhand and she pressed the point of me not going, made it clear she did not really want me there.
Anyway, I made the decision after much soul searching, not to go, not because of my sister, but because of decisions around my own emotions, my lack of relationship to my father etc.
I did not call my sister to tell her I was not going, as I had already made it clear I was not going. She did not call me either.
I phoned her today, to try to arrange scattering my mum's ashes at Glastonbury, did not get as far as talking about it. My sister said immediately before anything else, I thought you were going to let me know about not going to dad's funeral? I told her that I thought I had, she became very angry and said you did not, then went into how I should have supported her as I knew she was organising it, I should have been there for moral support, I did not even send her a card (hmm]. I told her that as far as I was concerned I had told her I was not going and if she misunderstood that I was going to call on the day then I apologise (i was trying hard not to be inflammatory). I also said I got the impression she was not bothered whether I turned up or not, had not considered it that important to herself either and any lack of contact from her too made me feel it was not necessary to call her.
She said, I dont care, BUT HE WAS YOUR FATHER [shouting in intimidating manner emoticon] and that I should have shown more care and consideration that if he was someone from my work. I said that biologically yes, but I did not know him, she yelled more at me about me caring more about my friends, would not allow me to say that yes I do care more about my friends than my dad because they are there for me and I know them. Went on to say loads of stuff about how the trouble with people these days is everything has to fit around them and no-one cares about important things, very patronising, sort of a monologue to herself really.
She said again that I should have been there for moral support, and I told her that she should think about what moral support means, given that she promised me and mum she would look out for me (youngest with a baby), and where has her contact been in the last 5 months, that she had made some very nasty and viscious comments about mine and my brothers apparant greed and did she think this was being supportive?
She then shouted the rest of her stuff, I did not get to say anything else at all, she said that did I not think selling mum's stuff at a bootfair was not being greedy, and lots of other stuff, Yelling louder and louder the more I tried to say something. In the end I told her as she was not prepared to listen to me I was not prepared to let her finish her rant and hung up.
I was upset as I did not get to talk about mum's ashes, so I called back, and left a calm polite message saying that I am sorry she still felt I was greedy and only after money, but I was not prepared to listen to her yelling at me about it right now, that I had in fact called as I wanted to talk to the family about scattering mums ashes soon, and could she call me to talk about this, I was not prepared to talk about anyhing else right now. No response. Of course. I was not really expecting one.
I am just soooooo angry, upset, and well, incensed that she is such a bitch. I mean that in the literal sense, not in the nasty need something to call her sense.
I cannot beleive she really thinks those things about me. I had put it down to greif initially and thought time would make her realise how horrid she has been.
She is the most unkind, viscious, spiteful person I know, and I feel guilty for thinking it or saying it, but I just cannot get away from the fact that this is true.
Wow, long, like I said. Sorry. I needed to get it all out.