I don't think I can do this anymore

[namechangedyetagain]

I lost my brother 6 weeks ago. I've been putting one foot in front of the other but I'm not sure I can go on without him. I need him. I miss him. My children are so sad. My mum is so sad. My SIL is so sad.

We are all just devastated. I have medication from the gp and counselling booked. But it's not actually going to change anything is it. I just sit with tears streaming..I don't understand how it can be? Just how? And why would he leave me? He knows I'm not the strong one. What will I do?

I am so, so sorry to hear of your loss and how sad and overwhelming life is for you at the moment. Losing someone you love is all consuming. All you can do is keep putting one foot in front of the other and breath in and out. Would you like to tell us about your brother?

You will be alright, I promise.

Six weeks is very soon. It will be so hard but gradually it won’t be as hard as it is now and happy feelings will be part of the sad feelings. And all the sad feelings won’t be as strong and overwhelming.

I do have happy memories of him.he was kind, gentle, loving. Adored his family. Very impatient!
I feel angry that we have been robbed of him. And so quickly. We still need him. Here. On earth. I would always turn to him to chat things through. I need him. I have no one else..everyone is too sad.

Oh, pet. Things will be ok. You will learn to live with your loss, though it will never go away it will get easier.

People have said that it will get easier, but it isn't. I miss him so much it literally hurts. How am I supposed to be ok with not ever seeing or speaking to him again? We spoke every day.

I keep thinking he's busy with work or away or something and that he'll walk through the door. I'm heartbroken. So are my children. They shouldn't be seeing their mum cry and wanting to drink wine every night to block it all out.

I am not strong enough to manage this and I don't know what to do.

I'm so sorry. I can almost feel your pain through the page.

It does get easier...but it takes time. Years rather than just weeks.
In my experience time doesn't really heal. You don't get over someone - not ever. But you somehow learn to live without them and one day life starts to seem brighter again.

The saying 'grief is the price we pay for love' is so true.

You are strong enough though. I'm sure you sre. You just keep going because you have children who need you. Try to think about what your brother would want you to do. I'm sure he's still want you to live your life and be happy.

6 weeks is no time. I'm two and a half years on from my brother passing. The first few months I was like you, absolutely devastated. You need to give yourself time, the medication and counselling will help. I'm not going to say it goes away but things become more bearable. You have to be kind to yourself and let yourself grieve.

Oh sweetheart, your brother sounds like a phenomenal man. I found it doesn’t get easier but you do learn to live with it.

My cousin died 7 yrs ago. We grew up 5 doors from each other. Constantly in each other’s pockets. She was my best friend, worst enemy, and I adored her. She was a big fan of Winnie the Pooh and the quote of ‘how lucky I am so have something that makes saying goodbye so hard’ got me through the days sitting in intensive care as she lost her fight for life and the weeks, months and years since. It still seems like the most preposterous thing that she isn’t here.

So long as you go on part of your brother will go on too. You are stronger then you give yourself credit for

Bless you. 6 weeks is no time at all.
I lost my sister suddenly, 16 years ago now. It does get easier. That isn't to say I don't still miss her, but the vast majority of the time when I talk about her now, it makes me smile, and the talk is about things she did that were funny or admirable or kind or in other ways positive memories. It takes you a while to get there, but try saying 'Do you remember when.......' to your dc, to your Mum, to your SiL, and sharing the memories of those funny things he did.

Oh my love x hold on .. it gets better. I promise.

Six weeks is very soon, so raw. I can't say it gets better, just different, and forever.

namechanged

Six weeks is nothing and yet it seems like forever since I hugged him. I cannot process that he has gone and so quickly. I don't know how to manage it all. I'm drinking every night just to stop thinking almost. I know that's rubbish but I hurt so much. I want it to stop. I sometimes wish I could go with him because my life was pretty shit anyway and he was one stable thing I could rely on. My children are distraught and miss their uncle. Them upset breaks my heart even further

How long will it be before it sinks in? I caught myself cooking dinner tonight and thought oh my God. I'm actually never going to see him again.

How am I ever going to come to terms with that? I mean really we should have another 40 years together .

I don't know what to do. I can't stop crying and feeling desperate.

I can promise you when it will sink in but I want you to know that your grief is normal right now. It's normal to be heartbroken and cry all the time. Just let that happen

It will take a while to sink in, 6 weeks is hardly anytime at all. Have you seen your go about how badly it's affecting you ?

I'm very sorry you lost your brother. Allow yourself to grieve and miss him. There is no time limit to how long we should feel. You feel abandoned and alone. Talk about him to your family, talk about funny moments. Daft things he did as a child. Cry and then cry again. Then say to your brother I will always miss you but i will remember you and my children will know you. The worst thing is to pass away and no one knows you. Your brother will always be with you in the memories you shared. Make new ones with your children and then surely you honour your brothers memory in living and loving your family now.

I'm.so so sorry to hear about your brother. He sounds wonderful.
Cry, sleep, eat, talk, one moment at a time.
Sending so much love ❤

It does take a while to properly hit you.

I lost my DP very unexpectedly in April. Only now has the reality really started to sink in. It doesn't get better, it just gets different. You learn to keep putting one foot in front of the other, to breath a little easier. Find reasons to keep going, even if it's just little, seemingly insignificant things.

Keep your brother safely tucked in your heart, and live your life for him

6 weeks is absolutely nothing at all. You're still probably in the stage where you can't believe this has happened. All I can promise is that you won't stay feeling like this forever, as awful as you feel right now you have to go through this stage because it has to sink in and become real and it really does hurt but day by day it eases little by little until one day you will be able to think about your brother and talk about him and smile, laugh at something he used to do, talk about him without it tearing you apart.

But you have to grieve properly to be able to have the chance of coming to terms with your loss and eventually being happy again. You'll never be the same person but you will learn to live with what's happened.

Bear in mind some counselling at some point too, often we put it off because it can't change anything but it does help people come to terms with their loss in many instances.

Big hugs Op

It's been two months today. Two months.

I'm struggling with believing it. It all seems like it's a twisted dream and not real life at all. Almost like he'll ring and then walk through my door. How can it be I'll never see him again? Just how? How am I supposed to believe that? A few weeks -:ok. Even a month or so at a push. But forever? That's a bloody long time.

Ds cries every day as well. We both do. We miss him so much. I don't know what to do or say to him. We just hug and cry.

I'm back at work and everyone and everything is carrying on as usual. I feel like my life has stopped

Losing someone so close to you is very tough, and it is early days yet.
Have you tried counselling yet? It might be a way forward to at least accept what has happened.
Big hugs to you OP, it's a very difficult road to travel. 

My brother died at the end of May. He was 25. We were very close and I still cry all the time about him. It's awful. I just keep reading that slowly things will start to heal, but like you, I can't imagine not seeing him again. I guess you just adjust. It's hard being back at work as you say, because I think people expect you to be 'over it', but actually, really hard hitting, feeling like you're consumed by sadness-type grief strikes at the most unusual moments.

I'm going to ask the doctor for some counselling but I couldn't get an appointment this morning. There are people out there who understand what you're going through. Keep talking about your brother with your children. My brother still feels very alive in my heart but its so painful to know that he's not physically here.

You don’t get over it. You VERY gradually get used to the absence. Two months after a lifetime together is nothing! It’s a long road, but keep in your heart you were lucky to be so loved by someone so special, it would be ridiculous if you weren’t sad. I also think cuddles with loved ones help!

You're right that medication and counselling won't change what's happened but they will change the way you deal with your loss.
I lost my dad earlier this year and at times I've felt like what's the point we're all going to die anyway.
I've had a couple of sessions of bereavement counselling and it has helped me see that what I'm feeling is normal and that to honour his memory I should live the best life I can.
Could you make a memory box with your ds? Photos, cards, write down memories, little trinkets that trigger happy memories.
Time doesn't heal the grief but you learn to live with it.

That's exactly it! Why do we struggle to work and pay the mortgage every month? What is the point in living at all?

My counselling service put forward by the doctor cannot help as they are mostly a cbt based therapy. Cruse want me to wait until 4-6 months to see if im 'over it'

Im at a bit of a loss. I'm emailing the samaritans. But in times of need I usually have a brother hug.

He was so wise and always knew just the right thing to say. I need him. I want him. How could god have got it so wrong? I needed to be first. In not brave enough for this.

I have three children that need their uncle. I'm not strong enough to look after them, mum, sil , my gps and myself. I just can't do it