I lost my hero

[Bikergirl1988]

Hello im new on here, I just need to talk to people who understand what its like n maybe some advice on coping. Ive tried to keep strong n positive n lately I find myself getting abit more emotional n letting it out when nobody is around me. I lost my dad to a sudden heart attack and already it will be a year next month..a YEAR! How time flies? He had so much he still wanted to do places to go.. plans..
ect and just like that..gone! Ashes scattered to the wind and to the world he was never even here. The morning my sister phoned me to inform me, as it was early hours of the morning i found out i was pregnant with his now grandson (my 2nd child) who is now 13 weeks old and he is just like him it devistates me because he would b so proud. It was a difficult pregnancy not just with all the usual symptoms but i struggled because i was so happy and also so sad at the same time and explaining to my 5 year old daughter where grandad is has been so hard because she misses him too and doesnt understand why we cant go to grandads though i explained hes in heaven now they were really close and as i type this my eyes r whelling with tears because i miss him so much. I even sent his old account on fb an email b4 it was memorized so i felt as though i could get one last message to him and though i know he will never read it...respond to it it made me realise even more no matter what i do say or go I am never ever goin to have my dad infront of me ever again hes never goin to show up on my door step tell me everythings goin to be ok n throw his arms around me n hug me. Im probably not making much sense but i just need some comfort I talk to my mum about him but even though they seperated when i was young i can still see the pain in her eyes n feel like im burdening her
Thank you if you have had the patience to read all of this.

💐 I'm so sorry for your loss,

I lost my dad suddenly too, he'd been diagnosed with leukaemia but everything was going so well and it had only been 3 weeks but he had a sudden massive bleed on the brain. I was heartbroken, in 4 days it will 5 years and I can't believe it's been so long.

You do learn how to cope, a year is still so raw. I found out I was pregnant just after the first anniversary and I remember the same being so happy and sad at the same time and that sinking feeling sad wouldn't get to meet his first grandchild (she's awesomely weird and he'd have loved her). Life has carried on and it doesn't feel right he isn't here.

I have no real advice other than keep going, remember the good things. Time really does heal. Have you got anything or anywhere to visit? A memorial or something?

I still go to the garden of remembrance and chat to my dad, me and dd go with sparklers on his birthday as it's bonfire night and my favourite memories of it are us doing sparklers in the garden after he'd lost his temper and given up on fireworks. We chat about him and now it does help with the sadness I feel.

🌹 I lost my dad last Sept. He has terminal cancer but we were under the impression he had 2 or 3 more years with us. But he suddenly contracted pneumonia and died. I still miss him so much. My DC are grown up so understood.
I've no answers, just wanted you to know what you are going through us normal. It still suddenly hits me that I won't see my dad again, but I rightly or wrongly put it to the back of my mind

codenameduchess thank u for ur reply!
I know its been 5 years since your dad passed but im sure it feels like the day it happened still? I sappose its something we can never fill Im sorry to you too upon losing him :-( but as u say learn to cope and remember the good times. I think when u have time like an illness you understand it may come sometime (not that it makes it ANY easier!) But in a way there is time to say goodbye but when its sudden you dont get that chanse n i think it makes it a tiny bit harder usually due to unsaid things time spent ect. I feel guilt because i wish i had jumped up n down abit more to the hosp staff maybe they would have found the blockage n put a stent in even tho as my brother told me after the post morton it was inevitable eventually but at least would have had him a lil longer. I regret not telling him my suspicion of being pregnant i believe in the afterlife but not physically having him here thats what makes it difficult and missing out on grandchildren hes had 3 more since (no more now) n like with your lil 1 hes missin out on how awesome they r xx

MyGuideJools thank u for your reply!
Dont put it to the back of your mind its part of healing for you, remember the good times thats what i try n do i try talking to my partner asif he had visited the previous wednesday (that was his day to visit) just to stay positive..yes its awful when you think you have more time, i thought my dad was fine he had his birthday july n was gone by end of oct if only i had know i was about to lose my dad within 3 months i thought too at least another 10 or 15 years at least! He had just turned 66. I wish i had hugged n kissed him properly at the hosp hours b4..he was tired could barley hold his head up as he sat in the chair he didn't like too much fuss so i didnt want to over bare him. Told me he was short of breath n was exhausted felt he couldnt swollow n that his throat was closing up. His fiance was at home with him when it happened im sure she is traumatised because she couldnt save him n she explained what happened u just go over n over the details n though it doesnt change a thing imagining that scene it terrafies me. Being so powerless. Much love to you! Xx

Thankyou Bikergirl1988