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Missing dad

1 reply

codenameduchess · 23/09/2018 20:09

It's not a new grief, but I'm really feeling it and have no one irl.

My dad died nearly 5 years ago. It's his anniversary in a couple of weeks and his birthday soon after. My grandmother (his mum) died a few months ago.

Short version is, he was diagnosed a few days before his mums birthday, it was a big one so we'd planned a big party. It was all too much for everyone as he was young... ish, 40's. The party ended up changing to immediate family only and it was a bittersweet day.

Soon after it was my other grandmothers birthday, then brothers then DHs all with this shadow over them.

He died less than a month after, because leukaemia is just shit! Followed by a blur, me and DH were in the process of buying our first house which DH pretty much did single handed because I was a mess. we had dads funeral and then before I knew it was his birthday.

So now, we've just had my grandmothers birthday, the rest are coming and then it's the 5th anniversary.

My DD never met him but has reached the age where she's asking who the man in photos is and Shes so cool I know he would have loved her. My brother got his life together finally and got married this year, dad loved his GF/wife and I'm angry that he's missed all of this! And sad that I don't get to tell him the great things that are happening to us all.

Is it normal to still be grieving after all this time? Don't get me wrong, I'm basically a functioning person, in my twenties with a decent job, home and family but there's this underlying sadness and anger in me that I just can't get passed which is made a worse following the death of my paternal grandmother. All I have is a handful of photos.

I'm sorry, I've read that back and there's no point to this is there! I just wanted to get it out.

OP posts:
chickenfeathers · 23/09/2018 22:02

I really feel your pain codename.

I lost my dad 26 years ago, my mum 17 years ago, and my sister 14 years ago. I still cry for them now. None of them saw my children, and it makes my heart ache when I see other kids with their grandparents. I would love to say "come on let's go and see nanny and grandad" - but I will never be able to do that.

Photographs are so precious - as are your memories - and you can tell your children all about them. Is there something your dad used to do that you remember from your childhood? My dad used to turn all of my cuddly toys upside down on their heads when i wasn't looking....I could never figure out how it happened! I do the same to my children's toys now, and in a way it is keeping part of my dad alive. (I know that might sound daft)Blush

Sorry that was a bit of a waffle - I just hope it was of some help. I just wish I had a magic wand I could wave for you.... Flowers

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