Work /employment life following bereavement

[5Yearplan4000]

A family close to us suffered a tragic bereavement 4 years ago.
The husband lost his partner very suddenly. They had 2 primary school aged kids together . prior to his partners death he’d worked full time and his partner worked part time.
he hasn’t worked at all in the 4 years since he was bereaved.
The family are thankfully able to get by and manage quite ok on the financial support of government bereavement and other benefits. the children are lovely and they have the complete love and dedication of their father as well as wider family.
However (and I do know people make their own choices and I do not like to judge) I cannot help but think that the man must still be really struggling in himself and must be still very depressed. He posts regularly online at significant events , milestones etc about missing his deceased partner which is of course absolutely true and heartbreaking to see.
I just wonder whether getting back into the workforce and filling at least part of his days with something else might lift his mood. I hate the thought of him sat at home on his own. Appreciate this probably a chicken and egg situation.
Has anyone else experienced a similar situation over a number of years? And would you ever broach this with someone in that situation, if at all if it was within your family (or in a family very close to you?) would you try and offer any strategies which may help?

It’s lovely that you want to support him. However I would tread carefully wrt suggesting getting a job.
I’ve been bereaved for just under three years - my husband died suddenly.
I have worked some of that time and currently work full time. If I could afford not to work I wouldn’t. The stress of juggling work around childcare and home and family life is immense.
Instead, Maybe offer him alternatives. For example put him in touch with “widowed and young” - a charity that supports people who’s partner has died before they are 51. Here he will be able to connect with Other people in a similar situation and give him some support to rebuild his life at a pace that suits him - work may or may not form part of this equation.
It’s lovely though that you are still thinking of your friend after this time.
One thing though - we post statuses about our partners because we desperately want them to be remembered. Not for dying but for living. It doesn’t mean we are stuck. It means that we love them and even though they are no longer alive they are still so very important to us and always will be.

I talked to another widow recently who said to me 'six months is nothing' - she's five years post widowhood and says she still sometimes feels in the early stages . In fact we have both worked from relatively early on (almost immediately in her case, two months in mine) and this has up to a point worked for us both. I feel constantly overloaded at work and often have to take breaks, I still go more slowly than I used to do. Yes I think it probably overall does help me, but it is bloody tough at times. It depends as well what work you do; I work with adults in a healthcare setting, many of whom are actively dying or in a long slow decline; I think that's hard sometimes but it also means I am dealing with real emotions and real things, and feel I am useful. If I were doing something much less people focused, it might be emotionally easier but I might also find it completely pointless.

I think that the fact your friend has primary school aged children is a very big deal. I am planning to stay working part-time so that I am around when ds comes home from school until he has finished his GCSEs, if I can swing it financially. I think he is not doing as well as the casual observer would think. He needs me around more than he used to and there is nothing that would trump that for me.

Keep on thinking of and contacting your friend just as you would always do - nothing is more valuable, believe me

It's different but my sister died four years ago and there are days when I can barely function at work so I think being a widowed parent if you can afford not to work then taking it slowly could be the right thing to do.

I'm a recent widowed parent and have just returned back to work after the passing of my husband in June. I'm coping fine at work but my priorities have completely changed. Before I loved work and would always want to go to work. Now, if I didn't have to I wouldn't. All I really want to do right now is stay in my house, paint it and make it nice for the children and hide in my hoody. I haven't worn a hoody for years but now cant even be arsed with the many beautiful dresses I have and would never leave home without before. You say you think he's still finding it hard well i cant imagine that ever goes away. Even when I'm at work I am thinking about my husband and mine and our children's situation every single day , I'm not sure that work would necessarily help him.