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Bereavement

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Brother's birthday tomorrow

13 replies

annikin · 09/09/2018 11:13

Well, just that really. He would have been 47. I'm not sure if my dh will think of it, and my dc definitely won't remember the date. My parents obviously will, and his wife. Can't stop thinking about him and all he missed out on, and I miss him - I don't laugh with anyone else the same as the db I grew up with... But my parents are old school stiff upper lip types, and dh does his best but just tries to 'solve' problems rather than talk/listen (good luck with this one! If only he could...). Not sure why I'm posting really - it's not like it's going to bring him back, but just wanted to acknowledge it somehow. Weird how I seem to be getting sadder as time goes on...maybe it's sinking in more. At the time there were lots of financial things to sort out, so focussed on the practical...

OP posts:
annikin · 10/09/2018 21:31

So it's his birthday today. I've donated to cancer research, not that it'll do him much good now. No-one's replying on here, so I'll just keep wittering to myself...sort of therapeutic anyway. Just so wrong that he's not here. Still hard to believe. I wish my memory was better so it was clearer on all the childhood years. Every now and then I get a flashback, which I love...

OP posts:
ItscalledaVulva · 10/09/2018 21:36

Flowers for you OP. I've lost both my brothers and similarly few people other than me think of their birthdays. I'm about to have a glass of wine so will raise it to you and your DB's memory.

WineIsMyMainVice · 10/09/2018 22:34

Hope that your day passed with some nice memories of him. Thinking of you...

babybrain77 · 10/09/2018 22:39

I am sorry about your brother. I lost mine nearly 10 years ago, and I know the feeling of getting sadder over time. I still have dreams with him in, and it knocks me for six every time I wake up. I don't really have anything to say that might make you feel better or make it feel less unfair, but I am thinking of you and hope that tomorrow will be a better day.

Starstruck2020 · 10/09/2018 22:43

I am sorry OP, I hope you had a peaceful day. I also sadly know how you feel. Much love to you and your DB Flowers

annikin · 10/09/2018 23:02

Thanks all, for your messages. I just thought he'd always be there. I knew realistically I would lose our parents one day, but really never considered I might lose him...

OP posts:
Prestonsflowers · 10/09/2018 23:12

Hello annikin
My brother died too, he was 18 months older than me. I didn’t know a world without him.
Time doesn’t really heal, you just get used to the hole in your life.
It’s a really shit thing to go through, you have massive sympathy for me and I hope you are able to somehow come to terms with the total unfairness of the death of a much loved brother 💐💐

jellycat1 · 25/09/2018 08:50

Hi @annikin
Your op really resonated with me. I've just lost my sister. Also in her 40s. It was sudden and unexpected. My DH doing his level best to support me but sound very much like yours! Just to say hi I guess. It's the worst thing I've gone through. Dreading the funeral etc. Worried about when this fog and sadness and anxiety will lift. I have 2 small boys so dreading feeling like this and not being able to be there properly for them. Utterly shit.

FlamingGoat · 28/09/2018 18:45

It was my Mum's birthday on Sunday. I lost her 7 weeks ago and I'm struggling massively. We went away for the weekend to get some space away from it all. I kept going to send her photos and almost bought her a gift in the tourist shop. It's so shit. So sorry to see how many people are hurting right now. Flowers

annikin · 28/09/2018 20:00

Sorry jellycat and flaminggoat that you are in this position too. I wish people would talk about my db more - it's like everyone's forgotten him. Even his wife has just updated her fb profile pic to just be her and their two children. I know it had to happen eventually, but it's only just been six months...seems too soon...

OP posts:
Rainatnight · 28/09/2018 22:06

I'm so sorry, annikin. This hasn't happened to me but I just wanted to say I feel for you and send you some Flowers

FlamingGoat · 29/09/2018 06:20

annikin Talk about him on here. I get you. It feels like everyone has forgotten my Mum ever existed. 7 weeks on and they act like I'm supposed to be over it by now.

jellycat1 · 29/09/2018 10:37

Yes let's talk about them here. I'm off tomorrow to stay with my parents and my sister's funeral is in a few days. Gritting my teeth and just kind of wishing the week away but trying to think of positives. I'm also worried that when it's all over and everything returns to normal, people will stop talking about her. Sending Thanks to all of us.

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