A long story short: DDad and I are really really close. He mostly raised me. He’s super involved with DC (6 and 4) and they adore him. He’s had precarious health my whole life, and before, but he’s now been diagnosed with lung cancer. Don’t know yet whether it’s Stage 3 or Stage 4, but will find out next week. There are slim possibilities that he may be treatable with medication to slow its spread and slimmer still that surgery will be an option. He’s already decided that he won’t have chemo. So Monday, realistically, is about whether we have him for weeks or months. Shit, it’s a horrendous thing to type. He’s not young and has been an on/off smoker for 65 years, so it’s more a circle of life thing than an untimely unfair tragedy, but I’m absolutely devastated. I have a challenging job, with a hearty commute and two children in infant school but I’m limping along with a smile painted on, because I have to. DDad is being a soldier and just getting on with it, pretty stoically.
All of this is background to a heartbreaking question: how the hell do I handle this with the children???! I usually deal with tricky any issues by explaining things in an age appropriate way and helping them to deal with their feelings. With this: do I tell them now, to prepare them for what is coming, or do I let them enjoy this time with him-limited as it may be - and then help them deal with it when the worst happens? Both are sensitive, emotionally intelligent and intuitive. I don’t want to betray their trust by keeping it from them, while all those close to them are in silent turmoil and they won’t know what’s wrong and then it comes as a horrible shock. Equally, I don’t want to drag out their sadness. God only knows it’s horrendous enough waiting for the axe to drop for me... Fuck. Fucking fuck cancer. Advice from those wiser than me would be invaluable. I feel so hopeless and helpless and useless. I’m also feeling the weight of responsibility as not only a daughter/sister etc, but also as a mother. Being a grown up is bollocks...