Helping a toddler cope with bereavement

[Homerjsimpson]

My dad died almost three weeks ago and my daughter (2.5) has taken it especially hard.

From being a relatively ok (but not great) sleeper she now refuses to go to sleep unless me or my wife sit in her room with her and when she inevitably wakes during the night she insists that one of us sit with her until she goes to sleep again. This often takes at least an hour, sometimes longer and happens multiple times each night.

On top of dealing with everyday life, our own grief and the masses of admin to sort out regarding my dad, the lack of sleep is proving to specially tough. We’re also worried about helping my daughter deal with her feelings in a healthy way.

So far we have just gone with it and tried to give her what she wants. We’ve taken some advice from a health visitor that this is the right approach and bought a coupile of books the HV recommended to read with her.

Has anyone else experienced something similar and do you have any suggestions on how to cope please?

Sorry for your loss.

My dc were 5 and 2 when my stepfather, their grandpa, died. He had been my dad for 25 years so the loss was huge.

We helped our dc by allowing them to talk about him whenever they wanted to and following their lead. We also talked about him during the day as events occurred.

I managed to grieve gently in front of them and save my raw sobbing for times they weren’t around, if that makes sense. I think it’s healthy for them to see our tears but not the raw racking soul grief.

As for your dds sleeping, could you manage to sleep in her room for a few nights? That way you will get some sleep and if she wakes up and sees you she may go straight back to sleep. Overtime then, she will be reassured and stop waking during the night. As with our grief the first few weeks are really tough for all and she may just need reasssurance that you are both okay and still here.

I'm sure you know this but it's important that small children aren't confused with terms like passed away, went to sleep etc. That they understand the permanence of death. I know of a child who, heartbreakingly, thought that if he was very very good, the person would come back. So sorry for your loss.