How do you cope with multiple loss - please help

[onlyoranges]

Over the last 4 years I have lost my younger sister, the next year my Dad then last year my mum. I am overwhelmed with grief. I can’t even cry because I am frightened if I start I won’t stop. I didn’t cry at their funerals and keeping all this pain inside is so draining. How am I going to ever come to terms with this, my Mum was my best friend. I feel like my heart is broken and will never ever heal. None of the deaths were expected. I can’t talk about them and I feel my grief is poisoning me. I am becoming more and more bitter. I can’t look at friends fb posts with their families. I try to keep going like everything is normal but it’s not, nothing is. It’s like I have encased myself in stone and won’t let anyone get close. How can I get through this.

So sorry for your losses, but my experience is that you do need to go through the grieving process.

I can’t even cry because I am frightened if I start I won’t stop.
but this is what you actually need to do. As you have found, 'bottling it up' is not helping you.

I would 100% advise you to try to get some counselling. You say the deaths weren't unexpected, so maybe there might be some support via a Hospice or via a support group around their illness.

keeping all this pain inside is so draining.
which is why you need to let it out.

So sorry for your losses.

So sorry for your losses it took time, many years

Thank you for the kinds words. They all died suddenly with no warning. Maybe I’ve just been in shock for all this time. Can that happen?

Yes you can be in shock for a period of time.

You do need to let it out.

I'm so sorry OP. It sounds like you're too scared to grieve because of how much pain there will be. You've suffered so much loss.

Long term you have to allow yourself to let this grief escape because by not doing you will never accept your loss.

A good bereavement counsellor will be able to help you to be able to cope with what's happened. You will never fully get over losing them but you will with counselling be able to live with it.

You know what Greatduck your post made me cry. I think you are spot on. I am. I feel like if I take the lid off and it all comes out there will be nothing left of me somehow, I don’t even know if that makes sense. But keeping the lid shut keeps some kind of control but in the long run I can’t carry on like this I know that.

I'm so sorry for your losses, even one of those would bring indescribable grief but all 3 in quick succession is so hard to imagine. I think anybody would struggle to cope in your situation. I can only echo what others have said about a bereavement counsellor and really only replied to offer my condolences

My nan died last year very unexpectedly. She was 75 but in pretty good health for her age. I was very close to her. She was my mum's mum but they didn't have a very close relationship.

I threw myself into sorting arrangements for the funeral and sorting her bills and things. I didn't grieve at all at first. I was in shock. After the funeral and everything settled down it hit me quite hard.

If you need to get just cry it doesn't matter for how long. Everyone grieves differently. I felt more in shock and angry at first well before I felt the upset.

Councilling is a good idea to try and help you move forward.

I miss my nan everyday. My oldest dd remembers her but it breaks my heart that my youngest won't. She absolutely adored them.

I keep her memory alive by talking about her and we have pictures and things and a few of her possessions.

I hope you're ok

I’ve lost both my parents this year - Dad died in March and my mum four months later at the start of August. My Nan died also a month before my dad, but I didn’t see her often and she had an amazing life and made it to 100 years old.

I was very close to my dad and was devastated when I lost him. My relationship with my mum was very strained and difficult so that has affected how I feel about losing her. I’ve not even started to even think about how I feel yet.

I understand what you mean about feeling if you show emotion you might lose control. I didn’t cry at my mums funeral and haven’t cried yet. I don’t know if I’m so emotionally drained from this year or what.

I think a good bereavement counsellor could help you to process how you feel. I don’t know about you, but for me I’m also making sense of having no parents all of a sudden, and I haven’t even started to process the feelings about my Mum yet.

I hope you can find some support and start to make sense of things. X

It does make sense OP. I think talking to a really good bereavement counsellor will help you try and accept your losses and that even after losing so many people that you love, you can actually smile again and eventually enjoy your life again.

Please think about it xx

lisa I’m so sorry. To some degree I still feel in shock I think, which is what you are saying isn’t it. I am an orphan. I know I’m an adult but it feels scary having no parents and no siblings. I didn’t cry at any of the funerals either. I just focused on the arranging to the point of obsession.

Greatduck I did look for a counsellor and messaged her but she’s booked up which was a shame really but I am going to see how one session goes. Maybe it’s too soon. I think as you said lisa multiple loss takes longer to process as it’s almost like it’s too overwhelming to deal with so you shut down. My Mum was my best friend but it’s like I’ve blocked her out so I can continue to function. Letting in the pain is almost too much to bear.

Your comments are all so kind and help so much. Thank you.