Dads Partner has cut us off

[mrsaxlerose]

My Dad passed away in March. Previously to this I had been estranged from my dad but we reconciled 10 years ago. Iv been in his and his partners life ever since.

I live along way from them but visited whenever I was home and called regularly. When he was in hospital I called everyday and his partner kept saying he was fine(I spoke to him as well) and kept saying he was coming home and not to visit until he was home. It came as a shock when he passed away as she led me to believe he was ok and coming home the next day.

He had a post mortem which she didn't think was right so she authorised another which took forever. We have now cremated dad and she has his ashes. His will has gone to probate and I have found out that this has been granted and the will has been read and settled. I did not expect anything from the will and I knew everything was going to her. All I asked was that when everything had calmed down she makes a will so dads personal effect came back to the family on her death. she has no family ( well she has but they disowned her 40 years ago and cross the road to avoid her as she is transgender)

I called her all the time to make sure she was ok. sent cards and flowers on mothers day and arranged Christmas so she would be included and not left on her own ( much to the disgust of my mum who divorced my dad 30 years ago) but I insisted she come or I wouldn't come home as I was no way leaving her out. I promised dad I would look after her and I fully intended to do this.

I spoke to her three weeks ago as normal on a Friday and I then call on a Monday but she didn't answer, I tried all week but no answer so I sent my son up to call and make sure she was ok and she told him she had been to a solicitor and written a will and a solicitor letter was on its way to us and when we had read it she would talk to us. This was three weeks ago. no letter , not answering calls. I called off my bosses phone and she answered and said she will call us back . when I said but will you she answered I might and terminated the call

I'm confused to what is going on and what we have done. She is going to Zante with is ashes to scatter which she has organised at short notice so we cant go. I have no where to visit and mourn and don't even have a memento of my dad. He left loads of money and property but im not bothered about this. he wanted her to have it but would love a plate I bought him and a figurine made of coal from a miner and his daughter I had made for him. Any advise would be gratefully received

No really helpful advice Mrsaxelrose but didn't want to leave your post unanswered.

This is very strange indeed! Is she worried you are going to contest the will?

Whatever her reason this is very hurtful behaviour on her part.

Have you considered writing her a letter explaining your feelings whilst also mentioning you are happy for your DF to have left everything to her as she made him very happy etc. (If that was the case of course.)

I think the fact she seems to have tried to keep you away from your DF during his last few days suggests to me it could be money orientated. I also think, in the circumstances, she should have offered something to his DC bearing in mind he left loads.

I really hope I am not doing this lady a disservice but the fact she has told you to expect a letter from her solicitor waves a big red flag to me.

So sorry for your loss OP. I would feel devastated by this turn of events of I was in your shoes.

Sorry just started using the app and it doesn't appear to like paragraphs!
Also the emoji should have been a sad one but it has shown a teddy instead.

thank you. We have discussed wills and money. My dad left her everything and im happy with that fact. Money will never replace him. All I said to her on the subject is this. Please make a new will stating your wishes as im not fighting with your family when you have gone to make sure your wishes are carried out. Im obsessed with everyone making a will. She said she would and her family would not get anything. All I asked for was that anything that was my dad and grandparents came back to his family ( in effect im saying you keep everything,enjoy it, use it but when you have gone I would like it to come back to his family. its no use to anyone else apart from us and will get tossed out). She agreed to this and that was that as far as im concerned. They never married as she is transgender so I always called her my stepmum and said she is family to us and will always be treated as such. I called her yesterday from my bosses phone and she answered but when I said it was me she said she was in the post office and would call back. when I said will you please? she answered I might but hasn't. Ive asked for a copy of the will. In going to see whats in it and then seek professional help. I never wanted to go down this route. ive also arranged for a brick to be laid in a wall dedicated to miners in the town he loved so at least we have somewhere to go and remember him that's just for us .

I think checking out the will is very wise.

You have been more than reasonable in your request to ensure personal items of your DF’s are eventually returned back to the family and especially as she is NC with her own. (Another massive reason why she definitely needs to make a will ASAP.)

This lady is being incredibly insensitive towards you. Scattering his ashes in Zante without offering you the opportunity to attend must be heartbreaking. The brick in the wall is a beautiful idea and will hopefully bring you some solace.

I can’t tell you how much I feel for you Mrsaxlerose. I just wish someone with more knowledge of similar situations would join the thread. It sounds as if your DS is being a huge support thank goodness.

Please keep posting.

We have decided to ive her space. she apparently is flying today to Zante but to be honest that could all be a lie. once we have a copy of the will we are then going to a solicitor and get them to look over it and if everything is in order then we are going to get the solicitor to write her a letter saying that we want to have contact with her and include her in the family, if she doesn't want that then that is her right and we will respect her wishes but the door is always open and she can contact us anytime and we will talk and leave it at that. I then just have to hope that if anything happens to her then the executor of her will has the decency to let me go into the house and pick out some of my dads personal stuff. this is not what my dad would have wanted but at least I can hold my head high and say I tried and have nothing to be ashamed of

I really feel for you. My mum recently died and I was close to her and my step dad. While my mum was ill I helped care for her, and was quite disappointed with my step dad (too many reasons to go into here). Since she's died my step dad has barely contacted me, and has made life difficult in lots of ways re mum's funeral etc. My mum left everything to him for his lifetime, with it returning to me and my sister on his death. He has come into quite a lot of money as a result of her death (insurance etc) and is currently planning a new career and taking early retirement. I am furious with him for lots of reasons. I think you sound like you're being very reasonable, and would be entitled to be angry at her for her insensitive behaviour.