Hello everyone,
Oh............I am sitting here and just feel so overwhelmed by you all, thank you, everyone. It is sooooooooo difficult to explain how you feel on those special days, sometimes I feel I should really make the day positive, then another year I just want to hide and cry. Yesterday enroute to the cemetery I stopped by a friends house to pass on some of Rebeccas clothes, she lives next door to a family whose son died three weeks ago, 2 days after his 18th birthday. The father saw me and came across and wanted to talk, he and I had grown up near each other as kids. His pain was so raw, he was painting his garage door which did not need painting, he said he just didnt know what to do with himself, felt he was living in a bad dream, his poor face was just etched in pain. I told him that as we were speaking my son had just died 13yrs ago, and it hurt just as much as that awful June day. He said his son was also buried, and when we got to the cemetery I saw that he was directly opposite Matthew, just feet away. I just cried reading all the cards there for him, cried for his lost life, for his mum and dad, knowing the hell they are going through. Then I went over to Matthew, and cried for us. It drains you, mentally and physically, you wear two faces, one everyone wants to see and one that only you see when you look into the mirror. Wishing it was all the way it was, then looking into the bedrooms of my naughty trio, feeling so blessed to have them, but wanting it all. Then I stop and know that up until 1994 my life was happy, good, some never experience that. Life is truly a lottery, just dont waste a minute of it. xxx
Special "hello" to Pinkchampagne, must meet up. xxx